pandamonium

things i foresee myself saying at the site of an accident:

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment

Truisms:

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

Anyone who thinks old age is golden must not have had a very exciting youth.

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4AM. ... It could be a right number.

Think about this..... No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself.

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.