in case any of you were wondering ....
jail sucks.
i'll get to the comment replies shortly. i promise.
jebus, it's good to be on the "outside"
okay, so i've decided to just tell the story here instead of typing it on each individual journal.
you all remember how Monday night was Crown night? well .... lets just say this panda didn't exactly slow down...
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jail sucks.
i'll get to the comment replies shortly. i promise.
jebus, it's good to be on the "outside"
okay, so i've decided to just tell the story here instead of typing it on each individual journal.
you all remember how Monday night was Crown night? well .... lets just say this panda didn't exactly slow down...
Read More
VIEW 25 of 37 COMMENTS
so tonight is Crown night at my brother's restaurant. 
the Crown Girls will be there
the panda will be there, too
she-nan-i-gans
oh, and here's some fun things to do in an elevator:
1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and...
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the Crown Girls will be there
the panda will be there, too
she-nan-i-gans
oh, and here's some fun things to do in an elevator:
1.Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2.Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and...
Read More
VIEW 25 of 29 COMMENTS
deacon_:
Panda,
Where is the guide dog? I want to take him to the bar!
Where is the guide dog? I want to take him to the bar!
thelastbeliever:
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! 
Hey thanks so much for my testimonial. I left you one too. Stay cool and keep rocking
Hey thanks so much for my testimonial. I left you one too. Stay cool and keep rocking
okay, so since lifter77 doesn't appreciate my funny, here's a real update.
so i was supposed to go to Mister Idjiit's 30th birthday party, but had the pleasure of a shitton of work being dumped on my desk Friday afternoon. so yes, this panda was working most of the weekend.
and my mom was sick, but is getting better so that's good.
my brother...
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so i was supposed to go to Mister Idjiit's 30th birthday party, but had the pleasure of a shitton of work being dumped on my desk Friday afternoon. so yes, this panda was working most of the weekend.
and my mom was sick, but is getting better so that's good.
my brother...
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VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
buckknuckle:
All of your posts turned a nice purple.
___k:
I don't know where Woodstock is but I think you probably could've made it out to the SGATLiens Holiday Party seeing as how we had some people show up from SC and TN (or somewhere like that...) being all bored and such is yr own fault!
Well I thought of you when I saw this.
Preview:
[k]
Well I thought of you when I saw this.
Preview:
[k]
Gina was on her death bed with her husband, David, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber. She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling David," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to...
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"Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to...
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VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
lifter77:
one day i will check your journal and get an actual update.........not that i dont like the jokes...but i'd like too hear horw things are once in a while, and not feel like i stumbled into a fowarded email from my mom
thejuanupsman:
Not flattery when it is true.
A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came...
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"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, Honey, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came...
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VIEW 25 of 32 COMMENTS
teenagesuperstar:
I love the blonde jokes. You have an inexhaustable supply of jokes clearly 
yebutz:
here's a bolnde joke for you:
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about 50 bucks?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" The man responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
i love that one
-me
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about 50 bucks?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" The man responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
i love that one
-me
pandamonium:
for posts
One day a kid approaches his dad about some trouble he's having on a vocabulary test.
He says, "Dad, I'm having trouble with these two words: hypothetically and realistically."
So his dad tells him to go and ask his sister if she would sleep with a total stranger for a million dollars. The kid goes off and comes back a little while later.
"Dad, she...
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He says, "Dad, I'm having trouble with these two words: hypothetically and realistically."
So his dad tells him to go and ask his sister if she would sleep with a total stranger for a million dollars. The kid goes off and comes back a little while later.
"Dad, she...
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VIEW 25 of 31 COMMENTS
jonc:
unfortunately i need to leave everything and everyone behind.
germ13:
Those kicked arse I especially loved the second one.
I especially loved the second one.Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She...
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Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She...
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VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
ring:
i love your posts... congrats on the raise! Hope the throat is feeling better. I think my left ear has finally stopped ringing.. right ear is still a bit there yet.
daghost:
You always make me smile, crazy ass posts
VIEW 27 of 27 COMMENTS
mrstitches:
Eh, I have to beat the women off with a stick as it is.
ring:
Manson was awesome, saw him Saturday in Atlanta at the Taburnacle... my ears are still ringing it was so freaking loud. I love his shows... so much freakin fun
ever have a guided tour of a funeral home?
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
koenigsegg:
did you ever know that you're my heeee-roooooo
teenagesuperstar:
ah ha! ind of like the way everyone i know is either "fella" or "geez"!
enjoy your vacation, you deserve it
enjoy your vacation, you deserve it
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
sevenmag:
thedru nk ismeee
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deacon_:
Watch out she has the power of posting pictures. hahaha
Thats cool sweetie. I will see you tommorrow night. I will have some cold beer waiting.
Thats cool sweetie. I will see you tommorrow night. I will have some cold beer waiting.
deacon_:
Its sunny around 55 degrees. Crown is good.
You have my sympathy.
I just graduated college with a degree in Criminal Justice. Of course, a month before graduating, and while taking a class on Legal Aspects of Policing, I drove home drunk and was pulled over by the police. Somehow, by some sheer luck of good fortune, I got off. I had been falling asleep at the wheel, brushed up against a concrete slab, supposedly overcorrected and almost hit a car (from what the officer told me). I immediately told the officer I had been falling asleep at the wheel, but he was like, "Dude, you're drunk!" At one point, remembering from a legal class how much police use discretion and how there are 700 possible outcomes to a traffic stop, I said, "You know, you could follow me home." He was royally pissed off at me but somehow I had gained enough sympathy. He asked if I had ever been arrested for DUI (no), asked if I had a cell phone, he took my truck keys, and told me to use my cell phone to call a friend. He then sped off. He just didn't want to deal with me, for whatever reason. It was 3 am, which is the time police departments usually change shifts, so I'm guessing he was getting off of work and didn't want the hassle of extending his shift.
The average drunk drives drunk 1,000 times before getting caught for the first time. They are slower to get arrested a second time for DUI because they learn from their mistakes. I think I drove drunk maybe 75 times before that incident.
I suppose that failure to appear can make you appear as a flight risk.
On the side note, I recently had a friend who had his license for suspended for failing to pay a ticket, and then one month later he was arrested for driving. Forget about not drinking and driving, don't drive.
[Edited on Dec 18, 2004 12:20PM]