pammy

When I get stressed out, angry, upset or just plain irked, my very first reaction is always violent. I'm trying very hard for that not to be so anymore. I'm trying to figure out when one makes a decision such as this, why in the hell do others go out of their way to trigger that reaction in you? I was harassed, practically assaulted in my car, minding my own business. Simply because I was alone and a girl (and to be honest, I think being white didn't help me either) today. I was going to help somebody and when I stop to wait for a stoplight and traffic, this is what I get? I could feel the anger and hate and urge to lash out boiling up inside me and I did let a bit of that anger out, but nothing like I would have if I wasn't trying so hard. The other thing to figure out is why do I always seem to lash out at those I love instead of those who really deserve it? I absolutley had the right to get out my mace and teach those assholes a lesson, but I didn't, fear? No I don't really fear people anymore, so what? I like to think the trying to turn the hate level down a notch recently has helped. I hope, I hope, I hope.