SOON WILL BE THE TIME
OCT 19, 2017
Time to shine. Time to find. Time to grind.
Time stands still. Time moves on. Time has no regrets. Time makes no excuses . Time is not partial. Time is beautiful. Time is ugly. Time is forever. Time is never. Time is then. Time is later. Time is now...
Get things done, when we have time. Let's have fun, at the right time. Let's fall down, when it's time. Let's get up, when the time is now...
Intertwine time to find the kind of sign that opens the mind.
I FEEL
OCT 19, 2017
I feel like feeling the meaning of gleaming. Glistening in the spot light. Shining like that stars. Listening to the hot life. Trying to go so far. At the top, the stop sign dropped the hotline it was assigned. It's taken up res in another crop of mind. i keep going in this test to be the best, i just don't wanna say fuck the rest. Never loose my self. Not afraid to ask for help or help the last of us. If you catch me slippin, remind me what i've felt. i aint "pimpin"but it's on the top self.
MY SPIRIT...
OCT 19, 2017
Given to me before i was born. I'm hearing it'll be with me till the day i adjourn. is it a door that opens and closes? does it swing both ways giving more choices? is it a drawer that falls out if it goes to far? at it's core does it get off when i settle the score from raising the bar? does it leave a scar when i'm not up to par? will it drive off the road if i'm driving a car?
I don't know. I don't have to know. God knows.
I should leave it at that. Just let it be. Instead , I fly to the attack like a busy little bee. In my head it's an act, and I don't know where I'm at. So I read the script and find out if it's bad. I find the answers and go on about my fad.
Then like a cancer it hits me in the ab. I feel it spread from front to back. Up my shoulders and around to my chest. Up to my head then down to my legs. A full body experiences in the blink of an eye. It's no wonder we see things when we die.
NEVER THOUGHT...
OCT 21, 2017
Never thought i'd be here. Never thought i be there. Never thought i'd share. Never thought i'd care.
Walking the long and lonely, like i'm stalking my one an only. creeping on down the road with my thumb held out. watching out for the clippers that'd hit me and my lights go out. Looking both ways before i cross the route. hitching ride to a place i can figure it out. Paradise is where i'm headed. my own taste of heaven. rolling the dice, looking for lucky 7.
Roads go one way and the other make a turn to another switch concern to the cover in the ditch there yonder. Ducking while i hide from the people, cause im puffing on this pipe filled with reefer. maybe its geeter. maybe its sweeter. maybe it's neater. whatever it is it keeps me here. bound to the earth, building the upper tier. how high can i get just standing here.
Moving miles ahead. threw my crown on the ground and took the pound instead. grooving with the sound from the town in my head. moving to the beat that keeps me round and fed. choosing to be discrete with what i found in bed. time to roll on down the road instead...
I DUNNO WHY I DO IT...
OCT 28, 2017
first i get into it. then i use to get used to it. when i look into it, i let loose an choose to just screw it and forget about it.
Confused with which ways to use. The view from this way looks good like news from that way. So switch ways, turn in sweet days for moods for next days. All ways coming together. Lost in the 'nether. Neither here nor their. Why should i care? Lost in the middle, with no notion of an acquittal. A riddle and a hand book was all i got. I was, taking notes when my hand shook but now it's straight and i understand hurt. I understand comfort and leisure, pain and disgrace, ups and downs, makes no difference aside from the clowns.
GAME STOPS WHEN YA HEAR, "HANDS UP! FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND!".
OCT 28, 2017
What i have in the depths of mind, i've found through the ground as my knees clack next with time. The vibes flow up my spine, an back down with a pound i accept as mine. A great big sound's what i've found when i stack things next in line. Organized is justified only when incarcified. So hauled off i been, again and again, till i figured out then, to be humble with sin.
Here i am again... Head filled with images. Sounds that retrofitted the previous existence. I have said, "all in my head with this incident","Energy vibrations letting me know i'm not dead? What a coincidence, for instance, my compulsive decisions, transiting transitions that're translating positions to previous locations...?...".
From the past I experienced, what it is to find mine with my mind and experience the book an do it line by line. My words dont come from the dead. So 'least i'm not delirious with fever and ready for bed. 'stead, they come from life i've found inside. When all was dark i saw a spot and threw a spark an like an art the flame grew apart. It came into existence, poof like a fart. It consumed the whole part. 'An before it breaks apart, i gotta hit that shit right from the start...
THOUGHT OF PONDER IN THE POND THE'R 'YONDER...
OCT 29, 2017
Topics of topics. Who's gonna stop it? 'For we/they drop it make sure that it's hot shit. Be-boppin' to rock music. Who really does use it? How do ya 'no if the battle consumes it? Who can relate with the style in tune to it? It really don't matter. It would be nice.
Won't hurt my feelin's none if i got no friends ta make.
A WAY... THE WAY... MY WAY???
NOV 11, 2017
... How da screw do when crew from crew want fed too. Everyone's hungry an there's nothing ta eat. Drop the sheet and skeet back to da crate for some bitch slappin and jumpin in dry lakes. Frozen to their core. Never a cold chill or feeling that i'm bored. For real, i'm just addicted ta drugs, weird sex and chillin with carnival rejects. Hex spells an spell out the road from high way ta the drive way which way, this way or that way. The road has but 2 ways, only way I need is the way i'm going. Every other way is the way ta go if i was goin that way.
SUNDAY
NOV 12, 2017
Never has it hit as hard as this hit if shit's hit the ditch then i dig myself out, rise ta the top an ride off inta the sun set lookin for dawn, not coming up for air till i drop in the depression of the meteor alarm session BOOOM!!! the recessive sound of consecutive concussion collisions, they collide off course with unintentional uninspired inspiration, eventually my invention will with stand all the testing God bless it, with what I don't see when I see how I know from there is all I got to know is I don't know... I don't have to know... God knows...
"I took a walk around the world
to ease my troubled mind"
THE HIGHWAY... THE ROAD... MY LUVV...
NOV 15, 2017
From life I led, to the life I lead. The life I fed before I said what it was to hit the dirt, just a code known through miles of road and hurt. Each step hits no matter if you quit, you still gotta hoof it. Putting your thumb to the road is the only way to go, flow, an know another part of it. You gotta make it home, don't matter how hard it is...
Soon as you get it, long as you 'bout it, get 'em 'for life done got it and you're out it. From fist full of dollars, to Miss Mystryss i missed holla, nothing else matters, there's nothing to stop me, keep going till i'm living the fantasy. Rock as a solid and cored till i'm burnt. What i learnt was they squirm as the pain is confirmed. Fall back to me as the dame loses concern. From 'Foke ta Friends ta People, no matter what it is, it is how it is, when it is what it is, then iss all good, ya digg...
NOW IM HERE...
NOV 16, 2017
In a daze, for days. Lost in a haze, with in a maze. Am i the only one with this feeling, or am i one of many that know this meaning? As the smoke clears the fire still burns. Lifting, sifting, burning through the ceiling, causing concern. i go deeper with in the labyrinth. Not searching for the center just trying to get centered. The flames burn up so i go down, into the ground. Through the rabbit hole, around the river of styx, below the gates of hell, on to the land of valhallah, cross paths with cerberus, enter the realm of hades, and cross over to the other side. Now i can begin to make these, little memories of my mind's eye...
IT GETS CRAZIER...
NOV 17, 2017
The sickness is rising and i embrace the session. Twisted missions of fisting the misses. From sexing drugs and rock 'n roll to hexing love and watching it fold. Manipulating the masses. Contemplating the passive. Entertaining massive practices of passing active stratus's. So high. Well above the clouds. Can't get out into space just yet. So i get grounded to figure out where i've been founded and set. I see my foot prints as i back track my steps. There are ones next to mine is this an attack i sense, or just another vagrant going along with the same intent?
There are things inside without a care. Things inside that strip you bare. Things inside that would kill without care. I wouldn't maliciously take a life, but inside the thoughts occasionally feel right. Bearing from the deepest dark of night. Searing the spark that ignites the light. Something is there. Always there. Coercing me to act without care. Conversing with me with words i'll not share. Hurting me to see how i'll fare. Converting me to believe what's not their...
I WRITE...
NOV 19, 2017
Not to get props. Not to get fame. Not to make hot stories made to entertain. I write as i think of thoughts on the brink of breaking out my head beginning to leave me. Like dreams that are seen in real life. A scene of seeing what it is in me that makes me do what i do to be free. Instead of brewing on things in my head, I'm learning doing things like writing instead.
My heart. The part that i'm missing that keeps me apart from who's listening. I haven't felt real emotion since the day the "roller coaster" flew into the ocean. It came from a suicide. From that day forward my emotions chose to hide. Something replaced my heart with dark parts that "rip people apart", tossing them aside. I don't like knowing my compassion has crumbled. I just might go in with actions that fumble. I thought that being humble would bring my feelings back. Now I feel the rumble of feining for things i use to "attack".
INTO THE WILD...
NOV 26, 2017
My mind is racing. It just wont stay still. In an out of dark recesses hiding what i feel. The light is turned off. It might have burnt out. I can learn to live in the dark but i prefer to let it shout. Standing up to it is like getting in the ring for a 12 round title bout. It is not quiet, no not at all. It's screaming, yelling and shouting, whispering, manipulating, and pouting. So many thoughts, i can't
see them all. I hope i don't stumble, trip and fall...
This is what it's like when i'm sober. I have learned to accept it and still it grows colder. The older i get the bolder it hits. The smoldering fits turn into tar pits. I gotta get to the other side. So many past things still reside. It's ok, i am not one to hide. Even if the feelings i feel make me want to die. I'll never give up, i'm just that type of guy.
I know its the "depression" i was born with. That's why in each session i dont reject it, i adore it. It's a part of me that's live and i show it. It's why i dont have a wife, yet, accept the lore of it. It's why i have no life, im bored of it. It's why i get high when i want no more of it. It's why i get up in life, and shoot my self down with a lie. That's the core of it.
...ONE PIECE...
DEC 2, 2017
Fly high with mind's eye. I, cant deny flying by an seeing the look in your eye, in my's eye I is seeing things that would trip your cry into a smile, just for awhile. I've walked some miles, and will walk amany more, i been through them trials and also fought street fighter Guile, came down the river nile, an im back an still have no style. Always only for a while never staying to long. energy flowing going to in an out then up above the crowd it shouts. bursts into flames and explodes with a pout, the feeling's so close to anger it's over flowing this couch. with no space or scape goat to vouch for the criminally insane, i have to sacrifice and gloat as i figure what's it about and maintain.
loud voices from with in forming a crowd, pushing threw the shroud searching to get out. i look in my eyes and they see a window, even though this window is a force field steel welded shut window, they wish though, i fixed the door a long time ago. but that's a story for another time, yo....
FRIDAY
DEC 8, 2017
Playing games like i'm living my life. Nothing's real waiting for the next level to fight. Beat the stage, win the prize, raise my life, and get the high score twice. Vexed is the next button pressed as i wait for the sequel with better sex. Great, now i'm hexed. For Christ sake what's next. The thing about a game is someone else designed it. If i wanna make it my own, i got to align it right with sight i left at the light. You can bet i'll be high and i might need a light. I'm not a perfect guy but i know how to fly a kite. I protect the high and i hit it just right. Stick a needle in my eye if i'm lying tonight, but when the snacks are all wrong, and the sack is all gone, it's back to the store for chips, sips, and a refill for my bong. BRB...
...I WANT MORE...
DEC 8, 2017
Sifting through the sands, shifting as i understand, lifting with a grand plan, fixing as i take a stand. Light or dark. Sometimes lumens make it hard. Other times the part that makes the most sense is hidden with no pretense in another part of my essence. The best place to start is not always the beginning. The ending has enough to start the engine with no key. Pretending to be me is like preventing me from being free. Not gonna happen, so what happened? All this jaw flapping and finger typing has little effect on the bigger faction that's headed in my direction. I should just give it a rest till the next section opens up and i can see it best...
I CAN SEE THEM... EMOTIONS...
DEC 8, 2017
As i close my eyes and see the world through my mind, i find the kind of things needed to defend my brain from head change, and feed them. I only gave up on giving up. Not a perfect record but guess what, with each song i perfect the sector of me needed to help the needy from the, greedy seemingly impossibly defeated meany that comes with living. Some call it demons. I call them meaning. Like something that comes from dreaming. Not out of the ordinary and totally with in me. I attempt defining them but when i project them outwardly they seem dangerously close to hurting me, or others i see.
I dont know how to flow with emotions that dropped me to the floor before like roaring oceans. I know they're deep with in, mixed with sin, raising red flags telling me to defend. This is not pretend, this is the end of taking potions putting emotions out my head. I might need coaching to figure out what i've said, so i'm not beginning all over again making the subject dead. My heart isnt dead just locked up tight with a tiny thread. So here i go to cut the cord. Lock my self still and instead of being bored, bring up the feeling that feels like i can kill. Is this for real? What's the deal? Stop with the questions. I've taken time to heal now it's time to break the seal and release all that i feel...
My outlet has been a women. My confinement has been drugs. Just dreaming of pretty women calms the feeling that turns me into a "thug". Rough luvv then i'm feigning. Addicted to physical feelings of weird sex, good drugs, strong hex and long hugs. What's next? What's the best step? Go get some pussy and forget the rest? Sit right here and continue to text? Oh what the heck, i'll just do my best...
...I'M CRAZY, LAZY, HAZY AND MAYBE LATELY I HATE ME BUT BABE, I MAY BE A BABY EMOTIONALLY...
DEC 11, 2017
This emotion inside gets me high then makes me cry. Why do these feelings of mine intertwine with bad sign? I would know if they made it to my mind, but they stop at my head bringing tears to my eye. I'm not the type of guy to admit that i cry but i do, and let's face it, so do you. It's not that i'm blue though there were a few i was into. I just have no clue what to do to turn my emotional rampage into a functional mental fan page.
What's happening? My brain is crapping on me. Getting lost and mixed up between making it fixed up. It's fucked. So what. I've patched enough stuff. Time to get tough but not so rough. This time it's not mind it's feelings of mine i find. Like a mine field with just one mine. If i find the bomb i blow myself up, but i gotta defuse it to use it and choose to move it into the attic. Same place as my addict. Now he's a satanic, manic fanatic, least it was when i crammed it in its case, cause it was stamped with disgrace, cause it got in everyone's face, and destroyed my place.
This is not fake, it's how i trace the trace amount of hate i have stored at my gate. I've selected to construct constructs to protect my name from burning up. Now i need to make a vessel to explore what's fucked up and nestled at my door. I wrestle with it some more. I'm guessing it wants to settle the score. I'm not sure. I accept the lore and pour right into my core. The part that tore through me like a raging beast, *achuu* i had to sneeze...
WHEN DEATH PAGED ME TO SAY...
DEC 29, 2017
"We took him, but i'll let you stay". I heard them on the day he passed away. I didnt see it at the time, thought i was just fine, but the feelings i felt had ripped through to my mind. Destroying who i was and who i was to find. Imploring to the beast, "let me let you out". Ensuring that at least, it kept me from being loud. All the rage. All the evil. Boiling inside. From that day forward i chose to hide. Fearful that i would hurt people. Proving it because i did.
All this time has passed. I see it like it was yesterday. He's lying on the ground curled up. A gun between his legs pointed up. His crown blown up. His breath is done. He's not getting up. Sorry about your luck. Damn this is fucked up. Bend down to grab my pup. Who's sniffing the body trying to see whats up. I look at my mom to say, "This is it, his last day. Your Son, my Brother, has passed away".
The feeling never goes away. I feel it feigning every day. It's clawing and tearing, trying to rip its way out. My mind has figured out how to keep it at bay. Now my heart needs to take part and carry it away. I dont know how to jump start that part. The feelings that i feel dont seem to have a start. How am i suppose to heal if i keep falling apart?
BOTH SIDES AT ONCE...
DEC 29, 2017
My flesh and your flesh. Pressed and fresh. Let's bet that sex be the best between us as we crest. Intertwine bodies with sensual motion, commotion as we keep going. Sweat rolling as we're boning. Honing our moves, in-tune to our groove. Soothing the pain, releasing emotion. Doing the same to keep on pushing. This feeling we get i dont want to lose.
It's been so long i dont know how to choose. Use to be a bottle of booze and they get loose. Now im confused cause i've used the few that knew they wanted me too. Like my necks in a noose im caught between the floor and abuse. All i can do is plow right through, keep looking at you, make a move, and find what's true, or who.
BRAND NEW...
JAN 1
As was with the days of old, now is here the new year's code. I still wont drink no alcohol. I will increase my fun in all. As my feet don't trip an stall, I'll walk the streets until i fall. What's locked in me i'll show to all, until it's free and safe for all. My spirit needs to grow so tall, I see it feeds those that call, I hear it's speech will lull the storm, I'll do my best to reach that form.
These are things i need to prove, so these things i must now do. This is what i hope to gain, from this new year that's come again. Last year came with bane, right up to the bitter end, all the pain filled with shame, this time it better not be the same.
IS IT THERE.?. :):):)
JAN 11
Intriguing intrigue, intrigued by a good read. Read for a day as I'm reading away, each page of words at first are blurred, absurd and faded till heard. They come together when focused on a clean shot of hocus pocus feeling light as a feather, is this bogus? Might be a joke to the rest but for me it's the best i have. I must have a lust for glad just a tad to get the trust i had before i was bad. My confidence grows with every lesson known it just takes time to be shown.
I've grown a ways since the good ole' days. I need no praise for all the craze, it was nothing but a rant and rave them days. Just a tad tiddle bittle of an itty bitty riddle that landed me an acquittal. Life is so brittle. Learn what i can and value every human. Even I've been down on the ground kicking a can, trying to understand, I've been that man. Now i have a plan, still i'll not take a stand, what's it gonna take for me to be a showman, with showmanship showing them shit that's never been script, tides of sand, it's when i let it rip never will it quit so quick if i slip i grip the following bit and keep going till I'm calling it fit.
I've bounced back from bouncing back enough times ta bounce, 'm out...
FRIDAY
JAN 12
The day goes dark. My mind goes light. Suddenly i see everything in part with my sight. Imagining scenes to help with the "fight". Practicing screams i felt last night. Acting as if the day done past. Realizing this, no day will last. Chastising me will turn up bad. Outlasting me will burn out fast.
My wayward ways i say, learn me things i claim, wouldn't have been seen this day, so i pray. My head does the trick, instead of my heart wrestling with it, my brain's learning shit, concerned with my yearning to earn what's been burning in this nesting kit. It's hexing perplexing sexiness. Vexing with texting guessing i should end this, beginning another endlessness. It can be a bore, I haven't perfected it, to busy protecting it, now i need be projecting it. I got to be missing the part that needs addressing, when you're missing a piece how do you learn the lesson?
:):):)
JAN 25
With every beautiful life i see, i remember the beauty of being free. Forgetting the beauty of beauties i see, isn't an option for me. So i slow down, take a look, gaze at the magnificent photos they took. i know now that i'm hooked, seeing the faces that got me shook. Saving photos to my scrap book.
Burnt to the core no more. My heart is still a little sore. I have the SG girls to soothe my soul. Like best friends settling a score. I'm back to give in to the lore. The lure of a women who is not a whore, is the cure of going down beneath the shore. From the depths of the bottom i've come back for more, to admire the sets that's opened my door...
:):):)
JAN 26
A way in the mix, such as this. Starting my day off looking at bad ass chicks. It's legit, they're fit, ripped and total hotness. I admit, i'm sick, licked, especially when i've been bit. Can i figure it quick? The moves to make to soothe the wake and take the groove to another place? With a force that's with an earth quake. Of course it's making the ground shake, as the moves i make, choose the fate, to know it's great, and lose the hate. For goodness sake, ima gonna get baked...
LAST ONE...
FEB 2
I been dreaming as the last meaning's been screaming making me feel like being a meany, leaving it in the darkness is my only recourse, of course, abort isn't an option, maybe i'll make a potion an take a concoction, this notion's from far away like Nova's scochia, i wish it would rain. this pain drains, maims, and tries to shame, me into a different part of the game. I aint tame, i may be a little lame but if its all the same, the reason i came was not for fame, it's humility that's seeping into my brain.
sometimes i'm not the same, still, everything's safe, the last case is closed, real, the choices i've made, will ensure a nice place. no disgrace, this time im confident i wont slap anyone in the face. so long as i keep the pace then disgrace wont catch me, giving me a kiss and a taste, gracing me with it's presence directly after i lose the good Lord's face. The Great God sent us, here on this earth to be a mirage a reflection of his presence so he can see the hurt. dont quote me on this...
CONSTRUCTS. FIGMENTS OF IMAGINATION MADE REAL. BREAK THE SEAL.
FEB 3
Am I allowed to woo the crowd, and talk aloud, to things behind the shroud? Even if they get loud? Even if i get proud? What I've created may be imitated, even duplicated, but the jaded elided stated irradiated contemplative sedative play I've said, has dated back to before the beginning when i'd win, and wining was just the ending of the last prior end, always defending, no one commending, committed to mending, developed a feigning for dreaming 'for demons were screaming, didn't know the meaning of what i was seeing, everyone deeming them bad influence, the bible's saying to embrace repentance, i made a penance stare, i saw to much to care, my bare haired luvv affair for whats fair had taken its toll, it wasn't so rare but it's time to get bold, i only grow old if I told that's how it unfolds. New roads in code out lined in chalked warmed by a walk, warned that the clock's about to stop...
I create things i'll not share with every human being, though all things i see others can be seeing, 'for outta the blue came you and me too, we the few that made it through all of you, and me too know what it is to feel bluu rip through straight to another boo boo...
MONDAY
FEB 5
Absolutely resonating presenting the high stake. frequency is generating requesting to fly by a lake. give or take what i make wont be fake. you may not relate. i might not know this take. take 2, mirroring images of you or two, who knew, that this too, would be chose to list hues on colored rows. i misuse the cardinal rule, "thou shalt not take more then thy can refuel".
If i would i could drive, i wouldn't choose a ford, a Chevy Camaro newest year on the road is what i'd roll. unwinding entwined whining in the back of my mind, minding i'm finding more then just candy following this road map. i want to remind my flesh of the best tasting press against fresh facing sex, in the dark or in the lighting. like lightning bolt luvv making ignition, igniting simultaneously then back in remission for repetition. all in succession. when she's in heaven. i go down for the count to satisfy our craving........... what am i saying???
MOVING ON... :):):)
FEB 6
Anytime i mind i mime what i find, then i shine a light on it all in good time. Many rhymes are in tune with chimes, to make sense of the current black and blue listed lines. Harmony must be a part of me to hold my integrity, while whatever it is that's letting me live, is setting me up for a better life then this...
MY WRITING STYLE...
FEB 7
Expressive writing from suppressed depressive whining. Hexadecimals don't have the right timing. Vexed with what's next in place of actually dealing with being my best. My test, "i'm not in denial, im just selective about the reality i accept". Forever questioning refreshing my mind's web browser. More over i'm lessening what i find to be no louder then, "if a tree fall in forest does it make a sound". Shine down sun, between the leaves of trees over head, as a breeze blows by, stirring the hair on my head, but, i got a headache instead...
...
FEB 7
Turning a new page. Burning the old sage. Sent of incense quelling my rage. I remember smelling the fire of hell, from the cage i was in getting beat by a belt. Demon's would try and make me yell. The feeling i felt was the greatest i felt. So with a shout of disgust the Devil kicked me out, saying " to much trouble for me, God you figure him out". Back to dust i came. Riddled with lust and pain. Playing with shame. Feeling insane. Serious fame. Delirious game.
BEGINNING TO BEGIN ANOTHER END FROM THE END OF BEGINNING THE OTHER END...
FEB 11
8
I don't pretend to know not what to put in to the life i need, i really don't know but to retain freedom and sin i remain taking weed. To remain on the ground and not above clouds, i must remove the shrouds that hide what's allowed for the child in me, to be proud and free, i must quell the feeling that makes me be a demon. Did i just say aloud what my voices are dreaming, if i did then they need more meaning, so i know what my choices are about to be feeling...
"It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine."
RIDDLE ME THIS...
FEB 12
I don't need paper, computers or even writing utensils. I write with the bright fight that ignites the flame of strife. I don't read people or news papers, i don't know if i need glasses. I write with passion, fractures and mental lashes. Till the words burn up to ashes. Till they're heard through all the masses. From the bottom of trashes to the top of rich asses, the writes that i word could form into action. With what reaction? I know not what it do till i join the faction.
mind blastin' mental projection i'm havein' gentle perfection dime baggin' enjoyin' her sexion i'm braggin' none of what i see is saggin' make any dawg's tail waggin' hot babes and we all swaggin' i aint even rappin' i'm just sayin' what happen' when i pray in the badlands...
HOW MANY... TO MANY... :):):)
FEB 20
Constantly i see, like seas within me, myriads of possibilities. From fantasy engagements, to reality's favorites, nothing is certain, only viewed as one person. Even if i'm hurtin', what i see never stops. Unveiling behind the curtain, reveals ladies suckin' on lolly pops. when i sleep i get hot cause of all the thoughts. The sights i been dreaming would set life's meaning, or have me get arrested by cops.
INTERNAL AFFAIRS...
FEB 23
When i admit that i'm an idiot the plan seems to fit. Humility is not so natural to the fool who won't admit they don't know shit. Guilty as sin i am. Right from the beginning i was taught that i knew. I saw that they knew. That's how that i grew. Eventually i seen that me time hadn't made sense for quite some time. So in this life of mine i focus on writing another line. When my kind need to find my own mind, i tend to rhyme...
Warfare between sporadic lashes like an addict gettin' fast hits of good shit that won't quit then, that's the end. What rises from the dust of empty sacks with in me is not an act it is me. I call it Nomed. Yes that's a backwards demon. It's feeling is impressive. It's meaning is depressive. Acting by me it screams for destruction, with subtle seduction. As abduction begins i feel it will win then i remember, i am still human...
...
FEB 23
Expressive impressions of rational distress. Expressed through visual interpretations and words not always said best. Communion of communicative efforts collaborating in one spot, *ACHUU* i just had a sniff of pepper and now my nose feels hot. Like a leopard got caught in a trap with a leper. What's said here could consume one's very nature. Words can have power or nothing at all. Even the absurd can pick us up when we say it's what we've heard. Deny what we see and like a turd we're flushed to sea, but not before we clean our tushey...
Seems never ending. Feelings and meaning. Commuting inside me. Moving this and that way, rip a path way, tit for tat they say, fit for a fiddle or even a little riddle. I try to be subtle but all i am is confusing. Like i'm over dosing on using and the devil done chose me. *POOF* now i'm ghosting...
CRAZY TO THE HILT. ROLLIN' ON TILT...
FEB 28
Runnin' on empty so tie me, gag me, whip me till i bleed. Needing daily beatings is a part of me. Socially awkward. Rationally absurd. How much abuse do i want? 'Till i'm hurt. I see those rope burns. I hear the hand cuffs. With luck you'll stick pins, needles and pour hot wax all over me. Bite my nipples 'till i scream. Scratch me 'till i bleed. Yeah baby, that's what i need. When you're ready simply untie me. I'll wrap you up with chain then start riding. Cold steel links roll back an forth almost massaging. I take some cables and suspend our bodies. Then we fly away and the rest gets foggy...
IMMORTAL DREAM... EVANESCENT SCENE... ETERNAL FEIGN...
MAR 8
Day turns to night, past fades away, future isn't clear but the present is here. Everyday i steer my mind toward a wall of imminent sign. A place where their are no words just utter silence while i try and find, what i'm trying to see. It is what i must be. It isn't what man chooses for me. I will, for all my days, be free.
SO FAR... GONE... WHERE...
MAR 9
As im dreaming the meaning of feigning is the beginning of the scenes i am seeing. Deeming them judged doesn't help, only makes the screen still, no budge till it's felt. Judgments are tricky and make me feel sicky, rightly so, i dont wanna feel bitchy. What gets me is mighty scenes from a highly sense of other forms of reality it's self. all one big unit moving as many. whats real and whats not makes no difference really. Only our thoughts that come out in the real is the tales that make this life what it is, for real...
WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR???
MAR 20
I gaze at the maze of amazement from beauty of the human female, to the destruction of the planets ozone layer, it's all good, we can't control it we don't have to make it worse but its not like we can heal the earth. The world will do that on it's own. All i want out of life is to explore every zone i see on my own with nothing but a sammich and a Fruit Punch Hi C to hold my own...
HONEST
APR 21
I have never been fully honest with myself. I can be painfully honest with other people. To myself, i just never cared. I always wanted to put myself out there for others. to help others with there life. neglecting my own. These past five years have been a real learning curve for me. I isolated my self, i am in a very unique position in my life and i was able to completely isolate my self, with no money, and still live life physically to the fullest. Before 5 years ago, i was not in this unique position, i was on my own in alaska, usa, living under bridges and between rescue missions. Stealing to get food and drugs. my actions were terrible, but inside, i felt love, because i was harming no one but me. That made all the difference to me. Now, in order to come up in life i will have people looking at me, possibley depending on me. There are others at risk and will be hurt if i fail. So i must not. Just don't give up. Life is not about me anymore...
LOVE
APR 21
I want to feel love. I feel glimmers of love like shimmers wrapped up in a box fell to the ground from above. I want more. The relationship between a man and a woman with sexual interactions, is much different then, one between a woman and a man with no sexual intentions. Friends, family, socialising. it's all love yet all different. The basis of love, to me, is loyalty. I give loyalty freely but i do not give it again so easily. I feel lonely too. Hard to distinguish sometimes, between longing for company, or the desire to love. Both just as confusing, reminds me of using, all these feelings hit me very differently, each one developing its own way of thinking, thus creating their own way of doing. as real as it gets, these feelings can be manipulating me into staying emotionally in this spot. i have to find a way to get past this mental block. I've waited to long to stop. Now that i've jumped started a part of me i thought long ago parted ways with me, i can see that i am empty and longing to be filled, with something that is real, tangible, something i can take with me whether this is the only life i live or if i live forever as a kid, love is eternal, always has been always will be. i must learn it, feel it, seek it, want it, i must have it to share it in the depths of the dark that tear people apart. i am not afraid i will open a bible in a crack house, i have, real shit. i can't even imagine the good i can do if i attained love and used it for the world, and not just for myself...