originalzombee

yea, so i popped into the dead chat today and the topic was "dot or lush?" i get uneasy when i think people have been tlaking about me, idk, call me insecure, but now i want to know what that was all about. what? whos the better pink? gah, idk but uh, yea. my xmas was horrible. my dads gf invited me to her place where she gave me the socks my sister didn't want from that morning, underwear, socks, tampons, pads, batteries, deoderant, soap(who the fuck gives that for xmas?), a bag my five year old sister picked out, ramen from my brother, along with a book of fairies. further investigation undercovered that the socks were my sisters and she didn't want them, the soap, tampons, yadda yadda were purchased last night by katrin whom said about it "oh crap, i gotta get HER something too i suppose" and the ramen was from my brother to ricky originally b4 he realized that rickys a veggi and won't eat chicken broth. and my lil 6 year old is just cute bc she bought the handbag with her own cash and threw a tantrum when her mom said she couldn't buy me apresant. THEN we scooted off to rickys house. where i got nothing accept a clearer understanding of how much his mom really doesn't like me. his sister apparently bought me a gift, and ricky was a lil upset that she wouldn't give it to me. the reasoning was, i didn't get brie anything, so why should brie give me something? that hurt. alot. bc i've been so embarrassed this x mas bc i can't afford to get anyone anything. its sucked feeling like i can't give,a nd i really really really like giving peple things. that fact has been weighing down on me alot. and now its like, she had to rub it in. she even went as far as to beat around the bush asking rcky to choose between me and her. yea, i just left after i found all of that ut, i did not want to stay. idk, i don't think i'll be going back to his house b4 we leave for albany. bc now so far, his step dad wants me to break up with ricky bc i'm a "finacial burden" on him, his sister thinks i'm a slut and a horrible person and apparently hates me, and his mom thinks i'm worthless. i hate the holidays, i know i should have sat alone down here and drank them away, and instead i stayed sober for once, and suffered accordingly. argh.