so, tonight may be my last night with internet for an undetermined period of time. I graduate Friday, drive to Moose Jaw Sunday or Monday, stay there for a week or two then drive to Comox. I don't know if I will get internet right away or not, it will depend on where I live and when I go on course etc....so if you don't hear from me for awhile don't give up I'll be back.

My family all gets here tomorrow, this week has been SO busy, lots of loose ends to tie up for grad and the move. I feel like I need to get to moose jaw just to sober up a bit

My friend is going though a hard time right now, I wish I could do something for her but I can't and I feel so helpless.

I know what my problem is...why I am single..besides being well over weight, I well, never really had a problem having girls like me but it was always girls I wasn't that interested in...but girls I really liked, they didn't like me back at least not in the same way I cared about them...and its because when I like someone I try way to hard, when I don't I feel free to be myself. When I try hard, I usually suffocate the girl (figeratively, not literally, stop calling the cops) I get too emotional and I scare her away..instead of being myself and being their friend I get all wierd, I know I do it but I have a hard time fixing the problem. I mean I have been so alone for so long and in so many bad relationships I feel that well I will never find anyone to love me that I love just as much so I cling on way to fast. If I could only get past that first horrible stage I am sure I would be happy but I mean what girl would put up with that not knowing if it would change. I feel so sad and empty in this the best week of my life in such a long time. I am still happy about my job and my accomplishments this last 6 months but well, with no one to share it with, no one to move to, knowing I am going to be alone for a long time...well makes me very sad.
My friends gf is here, she is an amazing girl (which is fitting because he is one of the best guys I have ever met) but seeing them together...so in love...so cute together, it makes me sad knowing I have never really had that despite living with a girl for 2 years. Anyway, enough of my self pity rant.

I will be back as soon as possible.