This going to be one of THOSE journals...self indulgent and all.
I am so incredibly lonely. Not only am I single, I havent had sex in a very long time and that doesnt look like it will change anytime soon. I had a couple of friends from work over tonight for a BBQ, fire and a movie. One is a gorgeous girl (who is married) it was just so nice to have a girl around, it was weird, thats when I realized how desperate I am. Hell, Ive even considered an escort, not for sex but just to have a girl in house, like a first date.There is a girl at my gym that Ive been crushing on for well over a year but have MAYBE said 2 words to her in that entire time (anyone have advice how to talk to a girl in the gym? I mean, I dont have that great of a move or line or anything at the best of times but at gym, Id have to interrupt her routine, get her to take her ear buds out, say something clever while I know everyone else can hear...I just dont think it can be done). but anyway she is the only even potential that i can see and well, I think winning the lottery is better odds even if I do work up the courage to talk to her.
The real shitty part is, I write erotic romance Syn (thats right, Im not above shameless self promotion) as a past time and without the thrill of a first date, the emotions of a new relationship or even that potential, I just have NO inspiration.
I realize Im not George Clooney or anything but I dont think Im tragic. A tad overweight and a bit pasty white..but thats not horrific is it? Anyway, Im at a loss.
Also, I may be losing my job of over 17 years within the next year due to medical issues. Which isnt bad, Im ready to move home. I am seriously considering becoming an undertaker...15 year plan is to own my own home.
Also, I really love this time of year but it makes me lonely. I love how the air feels and smells, I like the temperatures, the colours, everything I just hate what it means...winter is coming. I hate winter. If i never saw another snow flake again in my life, Id be happy.
Anyway, if anyone is still reading this, thank you. Any input is appreciated.
I am so incredibly lonely. Not only am I single, I havent had sex in a very long time and that doesnt look like it will change anytime soon. I had a couple of friends from work over tonight for a BBQ, fire and a movie. One is a gorgeous girl (who is married) it was just so nice to have a girl around, it was weird, thats when I realized how desperate I am. Hell, Ive even considered an escort, not for sex but just to have a girl in house, like a first date.There is a girl at my gym that Ive been crushing on for well over a year but have MAYBE said 2 words to her in that entire time (anyone have advice how to talk to a girl in the gym? I mean, I dont have that great of a move or line or anything at the best of times but at gym, Id have to interrupt her routine, get her to take her ear buds out, say something clever while I know everyone else can hear...I just dont think it can be done). but anyway she is the only even potential that i can see and well, I think winning the lottery is better odds even if I do work up the courage to talk to her.
The real shitty part is, I write erotic romance Syn (thats right, Im not above shameless self promotion) as a past time and without the thrill of a first date, the emotions of a new relationship or even that potential, I just have NO inspiration.
I realize Im not George Clooney or anything but I dont think Im tragic. A tad overweight and a bit pasty white..but thats not horrific is it? Anyway, Im at a loss.
Also, I may be losing my job of over 17 years within the next year due to medical issues. Which isnt bad, Im ready to move home. I am seriously considering becoming an undertaker...15 year plan is to own my own home.
Also, I really love this time of year but it makes me lonely. I love how the air feels and smells, I like the temperatures, the colours, everything I just hate what it means...winter is coming. I hate winter. If i never saw another snow flake again in my life, Id be happy.
Anyway, if anyone is still reading this, thank you. Any input is appreciated.
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dizzy:
dizzy:
