optimistickid

my life is a joke, my life is a lie. i fake happiness because i don't want to face other people knowing i'm unhappy. i was thrown into this world without a choice. i may have been thrown into a crumby place, but it sure wasn't as bad as many other people have it, yet i did not make the best of it. i don't like my dad. i love him, deep down. but i don't like him. too many reasons to list. i need help. i don't want to admit it. i need to get away from my parents. i feel suffocated in this place. i know it's not gonna happen. i don't want another kid to have to grow up like me, that's why i am never having kids. i am not sad and depressed all of the time. maybe it seems like i am if you only read this journal. this journal is the place where i vent some of my frustrations. i would rather be alone than be with people. i wish i wanted to be with people. i hate people. they are so self-centered, and unless you're family, people will turn on you in a second. just think of all the needs 1 person has in this modern world: car, cd's, dvd's, tv, phone, etc. everyone has to own everything for themselves. think of that, a television for every fucking person on this planet. how ridiculous is that? can a person survive without a tv? a computer? an ipod? i can't look at an attractive girl without thinking about sex. how did i get this way? society is really fucked up, but i'm supposed to just accept it, or else i will too become fucked up. an outcast, a reject. i want to want nothing. i just want to like people but i can't. i'm too materialistic and hermit-like. i wonder if there are people i know spying on me. my mom got a $25 ticket for going through ezpass. it was an honest accident. she didn't see the sign. the toll was 35 cents. she made a mistake, so they charged her $25. plus the 35 cents. i guess you can't make mistakes in this world. you have to be perfect. or else people just take everything you have. thinking about the audacity of whoever decided on the $25 fine really makes me hate people. and it really just makes me want to smash that persons fucking face in with my fist. i hope my cat is alright. please let blackie pee tonight. otherwise we'll be going back to the vet for the 4th time this week. mischa barton is really hot. i'd really like to fuck her. i mean she is just gorgeous. i just wish a girl like that could fall in love with me. my dreams are the closest i'll ever come probably. childhood is the best time in a persons life in my opinion. it's just the fucking best.