Sunday Oct 12, 2003

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i've not much to say today, but i figured i'd turn the page on my last entry, anyway.

here's hoping this will be a lazy, restful day.
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_sarah_:
You'd be amazed how much cleaning and rearranging your place can realize depression and anxiety. Your home should be your safe haven, and I've learned that a clean, organized home makes ME feel organized and down-to-earth. smile
adeline:
Its ok if you ramble, I do it all the time..so you are always welcome to ramble to me or in my journal. You also made sense in your random rambling. I often used to find myself searching for things or trying to out do myself..now I just let it all happen the way it wants to and enjoy life, in a whole new way. *hopes that made sense*

Thursday Oct 09, 2003

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i seriously think i have social anxiety disorder.

after going with my friend(who is also my ex) to a movie, went back to her place for one of her storied 'stoop parties'. people just show up and hang out on her front steps, with or without her.

it took a few beers to get the frightening, panic-attack-slash-cardiac-arrest-slash-tingly-sensation-in-my arms-and-fingers to go away. my heart was racing....
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_sarah_:
Additionally, actuallynotyou had a very good point that I forgot to make. tongue

If you had asthma, you'd use an inhaler.

If you had blood pressure issues, you'd take pills.

If you had a horrible case of the flu, you'd drink orange juice and sleep more.

This is why I don't understand the stigma with seeking psychological help. Your psychological health affects your physical health to many degrees, so your brain should be the healthiest organ in your body. You SHOULD make it healthy, whether that's through therapy or a combination of therapy and medicine.

Once I started thinking of it that way, I stopped feeling like a cad for calling the doctor to say, "I need help."
adeline:
You are purple now!! Try logging out and then back in, your friends should be purple again. robot

Wednesday Oct 08, 2003

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there might be something wrong with me.

as badly as i want to just go out and do something, meet people, whatever- i can't seem to make myself get out there.

of course, that may be because the last few times i've been out by myself i drank way too much to be behind the wheel and drove anyway. it's a miracle i'm not dead...
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Sunday Oct 05, 2003

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why is it when i need sleep the most i can't get it? what is it about the wee hours of the morning that make my mind not want to turn itself off? stuff i'd rather not think about, and never normally do, just bubbles to the surface.

it's always something i have absolutely no control over, nothing i can change, most definitely nothing i...
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leningrad:
my copy of Empire was massively fucked up though. I have to return it to the guy. damn that guy. good thing I withheld $10 in case of this happening.

Friday Oct 03, 2003

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under the weather, again.

frown
actuallynotyou:
dont die...

Sunday Sep 28, 2003

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i feel increasingly as if i will be one of those people who ends up alone for life.

the thing is, i don't know if that's entirely bad.
the experiences i've had in past relationships leave a pretty sour taste in my mouth. i'd like to have someone to spend time with, sure. but it really is just more time and energy than i feel...
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stacie:
aw sweetie.. i wont even be making it to any more shindigs.. at least not for awhile..
My moving date got expedited and i am leaving the state next thursday..
Of course my family is all here so i am sure there will be a visit or 2 upcoming wink
stacie:
Thanks for the well wishes, sweetie..
I'll be visiting florida for sure.. and plan in enough time to make y'all get together!

Friday Sep 26, 2003

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had a bad day today.

i'm not noticing any days that aren't really good or really bad. there's been no middle ground for me lately. it would be nice to not have an emotional high or low for just a day here and there.
stacie:
awww.. here's hoping tomorrow is a really GOOD day!
kiss

Thursday Sep 25, 2003

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did some drinking tonight at my friends house. played some madden 2004 online while there. while i am usually a skilled defensive coordinator, leaving my friend to play offense, we got schooled tonight, twice. badly.

of course, it's just a video game. it still sucks after beating the dogshit out of most opponents.

this is the lamest. post. ever.

off to pass out, now.

night,...
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Saturday Sep 20, 2003

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small update for anyone who likes to read, point, and laugh...

praise at work is a cancer. since getting some well-deserved pats on the back my output has decreased dramatically. sales jobs suck most of the time.

overtime is slowly tapering off. i'm actually gonna miss it, as i've used the extra money to whittle away 4k of my overall debt. this is but a...
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actuallynotyou:
I'm back, I was gone for a week but now i'm back.. I'm sure you care..
I think you pretty much nailed it.
DONT OVER ANANLIZE!!!
I use to/do that most of the time and wish I could stop.
Sorry you couldn't make it down to Tampa, it would have been nice to have a drink.
take care
delilah_banks:
Dude, you'll have your day, they'll have theirs and I'll hopefully have mine.

I'm just particularly irritable this week and hearing about Joel just made me mad. It was inevitable to find a gal that wasn't me, I just wasn't expecting it.

No big deal. At least not now.

Wednesday Sep 17, 2003

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the parade of ex-girlfriends making special guest appearances in my life continues this week. another one calls me up.

i'm not really bitter about it, i'd much rather have things on terms as good as they are, but it's just weird.

maybe i'm simplistic, but i just have a hard time getting my head around the idea of them not wanting to be with me...
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