I just had one of the strangest nights of my life. Another moment where from doing nothing in high school has caused me to be ill-equiped as a person. I don't know if i just had a typical night for someone my age or not. A deep reflective car ride through towns, and then going to 80's night, my first club experience.
The first 30 minutes were hell on earth. All my phobias from the car ride were coming out. I didn't know how to act, what was to be expected. I felt everything I would do would be the wrong thing to do and I would just dig myself into a deeper pit of self-seclusion. My nerves were absolutely shot. So basically I became so frustrated that I just threw myself into the overcrowded dance floor and spazzed out. Jumping up and down insanely. I think half thought it was funny and half thought I was being an asshole. This girl Meg laughed and kept telling me to do it again, so after a couple failed attempts i stopped. It got a lil weird. But then once I had done that I started to loosen up a little bit. I suppose I had a good time, but like always, I started to fall in love with the people around me. It was stupid. And now here I am.
Oh I also decided to jump off a lil 4 foot hill and when I landed I might have hurt my left leg. It's aching right now, but we'll see how it is in the morning.
Edited to say: I think I might send a letter to someone that I was hanging out with how I feel about all of this. Basically, I'm going to spill my guts out to this person and they're either going to accept the situation because I'm her friend or reject me because I'm her aquatence. I don't know what I should do. I mean I feel like I should just come out in the open about all these weird problems I have going on in my head, but at the same time it means having to open up and be dramatic with people. Another thing is that I don't know if I can ever be light-hearted and funny if I do this. Please, people give me your opinions.
The first 30 minutes were hell on earth. All my phobias from the car ride were coming out. I didn't know how to act, what was to be expected. I felt everything I would do would be the wrong thing to do and I would just dig myself into a deeper pit of self-seclusion. My nerves were absolutely shot. So basically I became so frustrated that I just threw myself into the overcrowded dance floor and spazzed out. Jumping up and down insanely. I think half thought it was funny and half thought I was being an asshole. This girl Meg laughed and kept telling me to do it again, so after a couple failed attempts i stopped. It got a lil weird. But then once I had done that I started to loosen up a little bit. I suppose I had a good time, but like always, I started to fall in love with the people around me. It was stupid. And now here I am.
Oh I also decided to jump off a lil 4 foot hill and when I landed I might have hurt my left leg. It's aching right now, but we'll see how it is in the morning.
Edited to say: I think I might send a letter to someone that I was hanging out with how I feel about all of this. Basically, I'm going to spill my guts out to this person and they're either going to accept the situation because I'm her friend or reject me because I'm her aquatence. I don't know what I should do. I mean I feel like I should just come out in the open about all these weird problems I have going on in my head, but at the same time it means having to open up and be dramatic with people. Another thing is that I don't know if I can ever be light-hearted and funny if I do this. Please, people give me your opinions.
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if only regular sex with someone you care about wasn't so much better than random sex with casual aquaintances.... sigh.