omaru

Won't be too negative, but my emotions are ricocheting all over the place that I'm just waiting for my body to TILT! TILT! TILT! so all these contradicting thoughts can shut down and then I can return to being my calm self (that's the theory at least, too much wishful thinking.) I've not felt like myself all day, the past couple of days in fact.

It's not nice walking around with a perma-placebo, I feel queasy and lightheaded, my heart is pounding against my ribcage and I know with good reason there's absolutely nothing to feel euphoric about, everything will turn to mush eventually.

I know I'm talking in riddles, but that's because I'm afraid to address the issue directly, I already know the outcome, there's no reason to persue it because it will be for nought. 9 year old me knew this, 11/12 year old me knew this, 15, 16,18 year old me knew this too, off the backs of my other me's and they still rode forth and came back empty handed, you can't win a prize, you are the prize....Turkey. Okay so i'm not that hard to read, you don't need to be confucious to 'get' me.

On a completely unrelated note, I need a vacation! but I have 2 days in february and a week in march, just need to endure for the time being, and maybe I should try to find some cheap last minute holiday deal.