I'm sitting here right now with a slightly heightened sense of awareness, my palms are sweaty and all other attempts to find something to do are proving useless. No I'm not my usual self depreciative self (well I am... sorta, but we'll get to that later.) So why the excitement...
My brother, my half brother who I've known and been raised with for the last 30 years is getting married after 6 years with his partner, its something of a big deal because neither of my other brothers have married their spouses so this is a first in the family.
I'm prepped though, I got my suit about 2 weeks ago, picked up a shirt yesterday, it has a silk look to it so it matches my tie, I'm no fashionista but I think I pulled it off quite well. It's also a chance for me to see my other two brothers for the first time in ages, my favourite brother is the coincidentally the one I've seen the least of in the past 5 years I think I've seen him twice. He's visited usually during my working hours so I've never been around.
But this feels like the end of something too, because now Adrian, the second of two still living at home will ineitably be moving out to find a place for him and his new wife... and then I'll be left here, I've never lived alone, never wanted to, and it's pretty much the only thing left to happen to me, like watching a car crash in slow motion, but the reality is it's happening so fast I won;t have time to react and do anything about it....
How can I, the newly titled black sheep of the family change, es black sheep, I'm now the one who's never had a grilfriend, who's never going to move out, will probably be 55 tending to a very silvery haired mother while I recall "these" days where I was young and had opportunities to do stuff, it'll seem rosier than it does right now because I'll have nostalgia. But I am ugly, and hate-filled and even if I knew how to talk to girls, there's literally no one for me, I'd probably have this blog tattoed to my ass as a reminder so that when I get senile or melancholy for that wonderful decade of old, 2010. That things were not really as happy as I'd be pretending them to be.
For now time to maintain the ruse... or maybe I should just cause my liver some serious damage tomorrow.
My brother, my half brother who I've known and been raised with for the last 30 years is getting married after 6 years with his partner, its something of a big deal because neither of my other brothers have married their spouses so this is a first in the family.
I'm prepped though, I got my suit about 2 weeks ago, picked up a shirt yesterday, it has a silk look to it so it matches my tie, I'm no fashionista but I think I pulled it off quite well. It's also a chance for me to see my other two brothers for the first time in ages, my favourite brother is the coincidentally the one I've seen the least of in the past 5 years I think I've seen him twice. He's visited usually during my working hours so I've never been around.
But this feels like the end of something too, because now Adrian, the second of two still living at home will ineitably be moving out to find a place for him and his new wife... and then I'll be left here, I've never lived alone, never wanted to, and it's pretty much the only thing left to happen to me, like watching a car crash in slow motion, but the reality is it's happening so fast I won;t have time to react and do anything about it....
How can I, the newly titled black sheep of the family change, es black sheep, I'm now the one who's never had a grilfriend, who's never going to move out, will probably be 55 tending to a very silvery haired mother while I recall "these" days where I was young and had opportunities to do stuff, it'll seem rosier than it does right now because I'll have nostalgia. But I am ugly, and hate-filled and even if I knew how to talk to girls, there's literally no one for me, I'd probably have this blog tattoed to my ass as a reminder so that when I get senile or melancholy for that wonderful decade of old, 2010. That things were not really as happy as I'd be pretending them to be.
For now time to maintain the ruse... or maybe I should just cause my liver some serious damage tomorrow.