olsen

I don't like being attacked.

I can't handle surprises and I hate being tickled. People think this is cute, but it's not. I might squeal and squirm on the outside and look like I'm playing, but on the inside I'm terrified out of my wits.

Someone I really care about forgot that about me, just long enough for it to count. I really can't handle it. It sets up this predator-prey instinct, and my heart prevents me from defending myself because I can't hurt people I care about. But then the moment I am caught, I feel like I've been killed.

I honestly go practically go comatose.

This person knows this, and, as soon as he caught up with the fact of what it does to me, he wrapped himself around me like a blanket and held me, and I was so scared of losing the warm protection of him. I thought that if he let go of me, I'd scream.

Instead, when he had to leave for work, he told me to open my eyes, to look at him. Sometimes eye contact takes so much effort, and I tried so hard, but I Couldn't. So I traced my fingers down his face, and I kissed him, deeply, deeply, and when he moved away I curled tighter into a ball of me and tried to teach myself to live without him.