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ohash

In a Tiny Town On Lake Erie, OH

Member Since 2007

Followers 136 Following 143

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Friday Oct 19, 2007

Oct 19, 2007
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YaY!!!!! My conference is all done and it went off flawlessly. There wasn't a single issue the entire day. The director of the OSU Research Hospitals told me I was wonderful (I can only hope he passes that message onto my director) and it was just awesome. My caterer and I had nice talks today about setting up a mutally beneficial relationship...which is always good...especially if he'll give me amazing discounts for a wedding I will someday have. Sometimes I am amazed by the way I am from 8am-5pm M-F. I took a smoke break and just sat outside and thought...during my Grandpa's funeral in Feb., I had a ton of people tell me I looked just like and carried myself just like my Grandma (who passed when I was 8). She was an amazing, wonderful, professional woman who did a whole ton of great things for our community and organized all kinds of events. There I am in my snappy pants suit, handling a million tiny details, and watching over 150 people and their problems/question, being professional and smiling genuinely. And it's going perfectly, and I felt amazing. This is my niche in life...it's what I'm good at. I am happy there. I love my job...I love the people I work with.

By the end of the day I was exhausted and my feet were killing me. I came home and Mac was here...she came bounding up to me the second I walked in the door and gave me a big hug. My feet suddenly hurt less and the day wasn't quite as exhausting. After I ordered pizza, I laid down on the couch and Mac read half of "Where The Sidewalk Ends" to me...then she just kind of curled up beside me with her blanket. She and I had some tough times for a while...it took me about 2 years to adjust to having a child in my life. Jon came upstairs and went "Awww...there's my two favorite girls...". And I honestly felt like I had a "family". It's a weird feeling, that. But, it's good. It's great, actually. Although I actually had to say "I am not a chewtoy" and "Please do not lick me" tonight...which is something I would never have to say...but Mac decided she was a puppy tonight.

The rest is mostly for me...so if I ever want/need to, I can look back and remember, but I don't mind if anyone else reads.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

I've had the past couple nights this week where I thought I'd go to bed early...then I ended up laying there and thinking. I ran through a whole bunch of options and scenarios in my mind...I thought about what I wanted out of life...I thought about where I've been and where I'm headed. One night, I actually pulled out my old journal that I haven't written in for a LONG time and read back through some stuff I'd written as long ago as 2004. I was with Jon even that long ago. He's been my constant. He's done a lot of stuff that he didn't necessarily want to do because I asked it of him. He supported me when I was going through crappy times. He tucks me in when I don't feel good or am sad. I can count on one hand the number of times we've fought in 4 years. He's monetarily bailed me out more times than I can remember...not because he feels like he HAS to, but because he wants to be sure I am taken care of. He knows when to be ridiculous and make me laugh and when to be serious. He holds me when I cry over a tough day at work or trouble with friends or just general frustration. I haven't done a single thing in my life to deserve a man like him, but I want to keep him. There will always be other friends in my life that matter to me, but no one will matter as much as he does. We've built a home and a life together. I love his beautiful little girl too. We have an amazing pattern and our lives just mesh. We have time together and time apart doing our own thing now and again. I have never gotten tired of him or needed some time away. I am a better person when I am with him then when I am not. He encouraged me to go back to school, and has picked up the slack around the house now that I don't have as much time. I love him so much. I have expressed thoughts and feelings to him that I would never tell anyone else. Yes, he could be handier around the house, but he'll learn as he gets older...both of our dads are working on teaching him. And yes, he occassionally makes me batty with his obnoxious manly habits...I have fallen in the toilet with the seat up more times than I can count...but they make toilet seats now that automatically close...I can invest in one. But overall, I have very very few complaints and I couldn't ask for better.

I also spent some time thinking about where I'm going...and I've decided that I'm going up. I have my dream job...I have my dream man...I have an amazing family and his family just adds to it. I will get my degree, and I will take over my supervisor's job when she retires in a few years. We will be financially comfortable and god dammit, I will be happy. I still maintain that I'm not going to be a mommy...but who knows...my ideas are changing...maybe someday that will too.

As for my life outside of Jon, well, I have a couple friends who are my sunshine. They've both known me since I was 14, and they've never held a mistake against me for long, we've gone through a lot together, and they will stick by me. Everyone needs a friend or two that they can trust. I have a few newer friends who are special to me too, but other than that, I am slowly going to begin weeding out those who hurt me or aren't supportive enough or who make me feel "disposable". I don't want to feel that way anymore. I want to surround myself with love and good things. I want to be able to provide those things for the people in my life too. I have a big heart...sometimes that isn't enough and I will let people down...but I love the way I feel when I know I've been a good friend and that's something I will continue to strive for with those who will stick by me.

I have lots of hope and good things will come.

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
trickynicki:
I R Flower, I R no Weed
Oct 20, 2007
trickynicki:
I'm such a dork that I started to type my reply to you in my own blog comments. I think all grocery stores around here sell pumpkins. I'm sure at least Giant Eagle will and Mia n I drove past a place on High in Clintonville that had a bunch for sale so we can search for it. I'm heading to bed, call me in the morning (or afternoon, whenever you're human haha). Night sleeping beauty smile
Oct 20, 2007

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