oh_me_ghost

I liked the sin eater movie even though it was kind of monotonous. I thought there was something archetypal in it. It took itself very seriously. There were parts where they tried to lighten it, like by telling jokes, but the jokes just made the emotional deadness of it more apparent. The whole aspect of truth being a terrible thing that people hunt for at their own peril, god help me I understand and all that. I actually liked that. Because it seems that people who search for truth are going to be the ones who maybe were brought up within a lie, like alex. The purpose of their existance becomes to find some truth about the world or a truth about themselves. But once they get very close, right on the edge, some important things start to fall to pieces. Sort of a garden of eden quality there. You achieve your goal, yes, but you destroy the dreamworld that you knew, the innocence dissolves. And its not like punishment from on high, its just what happens to folks that want the truth too much, like it was oxygen, and then suddenly they get it, with such intensity that their lungs begin to burn. And they feel guilty as hell, as if the act of wanting oxygen is wrong, as if everythings their fault, as if they are the straw that breaks the camels back. Of course theyre not. Theres all this blame that they had been projecting onto enemies, the truth comes crashing and reverses the polarity of it, and hurls all the blame back on themselves. Maybe it goes back to judge not. Like if you judge the world, and then you discover some previously hidden truth, then all the accusations that were previously being projected on the innocent bystanders will, theoretically, come crushing back on you. Not as punishment, but as a kind of karmic reaction, equal and opposite. Karma never says you deserve this, Karmas a concept, an intellectual short-cut. People love to say, its your Karma, reap it, but thats their own Karma talking. The interesting question to me is what about the hopeless people, what is the best thing for them. What do you do if youre the one in some emotional pit, feeling like youre guilty of everyone elses sins. The only options are to either become a different person, or slightly different, or more mature, or to lie forever twitching on the floor. Or to stop letting your head lead you as if it had your heart on a leash. Let your heart wear the crown, not your head. That kind of thing. Is beauty truth. No. But beauty is at the gates of truth, offering a man one last chance to walk away, or be swallowed by the intertia of his blame. It is ultimately blame that inspires Alex to stab the sin eater, blame that opens the doors too wide to ever close. Suffering is founded in blame. Everyone has thousands of fates, one involves truth. And its best to avoid that route for as long as humanly possible. Blame is a fools game. Sometimes its fun to play it anyways.

I think Ani Difrancos version of amazing grace is pretty great. The first minute or so is kind of blah but it develops momentum after a while.