So it is difficult to know that everyone else was having fun while I was sleeping, but hey that was my choice. I find my ability to force myself to stay awake even though every molecule in my body is crying for rest, is amazing.
I actually was quite satified with my evening, being alone. I had one of the most FANTASTIC, MIND BLOWING self pleasuring sessions I have had in a long while. Sometimes I surprise even myself! Holy shit.
And then as I was drifiting post orgasimically into dreamtime, I heard the fireworks going off. So I got out of bed drunkenly stumbling out to smoke a cigarette on the balcony and remembered I could actually go up on the roof. I crawled up the side trying to keep in mind just how fucked up I was so they wouldn't find me in the driveway in the morning and crouched up there And I totally felt so at home up there, my superhero pose watching 3 different light shows and knowing you were all out there too.
Now I am doing this contact improv thing and these used to be my people and I feel so foreign in mind and body and it is so difficult, they are all shiny happy people and dancing together and all and I feel like I have so much fear and isolation. But it is just me. I wanna go get wasted with my friends! But I know I want to dance too.
fuck. I am trying to live with this dichotomy. although I know what is healthier for me, I like all my drinking etc buddies. conondrum
ANYWAY I am doing a site specific performance tonight at 7 pm for 20 minutes by 8th street studios off of San Pablo, by Parker. If anyone wants to go see dancers goofing off outside, you are welcome to come.
Update: The site specific performance was awesome, so fun and crazy and random trucks driving through the "stage" That is the shit I love. This guy in his big truck slows down to watch all these crazy kids in orange and then looks the other way to see the audience laughing at him and his perfect timing. He shrugs in helpless misunderstanding and drives away.
PPS I still have this huge HUGE crush on one of the girls there,and I wish I coud tell you her last name cuz it's great but she lives in the beast.YAY YAY YAY YAY! She walked into one of the classes and I just grinned stupidly and couldn't look at her. I just don't know what to do!
I actually was quite satified with my evening, being alone. I had one of the most FANTASTIC, MIND BLOWING self pleasuring sessions I have had in a long while. Sometimes I surprise even myself! Holy shit.
And then as I was drifiting post orgasimically into dreamtime, I heard the fireworks going off. So I got out of bed drunkenly stumbling out to smoke a cigarette on the balcony and remembered I could actually go up on the roof. I crawled up the side trying to keep in mind just how fucked up I was so they wouldn't find me in the driveway in the morning and crouched up there And I totally felt so at home up there, my superhero pose watching 3 different light shows and knowing you were all out there too.
Now I am doing this contact improv thing and these used to be my people and I feel so foreign in mind and body and it is so difficult, they are all shiny happy people and dancing together and all and I feel like I have so much fear and isolation. But it is just me. I wanna go get wasted with my friends! But I know I want to dance too.
fuck. I am trying to live with this dichotomy. although I know what is healthier for me, I like all my drinking etc buddies. conondrum
ANYWAY I am doing a site specific performance tonight at 7 pm for 20 minutes by 8th street studios off of San Pablo, by Parker. If anyone wants to go see dancers goofing off outside, you are welcome to come.
Update: The site specific performance was awesome, so fun and crazy and random trucks driving through the "stage" That is the shit I love. This guy in his big truck slows down to watch all these crazy kids in orange and then looks the other way to see the audience laughing at him and his perfect timing. He shrugs in helpless misunderstanding and drives away.
PPS I still have this huge HUGE crush on one of the girls there,and I wish I coud tell you her last name cuz it's great but she lives in the beast.YAY YAY YAY YAY! She walked into one of the classes and I just grinned stupidly and couldn't look at her. I just don't know what to do!
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xoxo -Midori