obliviousfocus

Lets see what this week has entailed.

1. I drank some tea that apparently is not meant to be consumed in the amount I consumed. I had about 300 times the normal amount. This could account for why I couldn't drive at all at work yesterday and i thought the government was out to get me.
2. I tried to start a fist fight with my boss and a cowworker. For some reason it just seemed logical and right at the time. Apparently tea is a bad thing.
3. I purposly hurt someone I care deeply about. Why? Because I assumed they were lying to me and I jumped the gun on something I shouldn't have. So I made them feel like shit when I didn't have to. Yay for me.
4. Tonight I tore out the fire protection system at work and a door. That costs a shit load of money. I figure they are going to fire me now. But who knows. I don't fucking know.
5. I've started blanking out and finding myself losing thoughts and just staring into space. I'll be fine one minute and the next i'm spaced to the point of obliviousness. It scares me I am doing this because I don't know why. Maybe caffiene withdrawal is having more of an effect on me than I thought.

I thought as we got older it was supposed to become easier. I thought I would know more, but I just see that I don't really know or undestand anything. I complicate things beyond their threshold. I have no idea why I sabotague myself but I do every single time. You think I wouldn't out of some form of self preservation but I don't. Well i'm outtie enjoy.

P.S. If you read this I am sorry. Not much more I can say than that.