nyghtwish

I didn't think the other shoe would take so long to drop. On a weekend that was supposed to be full of fun and good cheer (my boyfriend's brother's wedding) everything has come crashing in. I hate getting bad news.

My dad has an infection in his ankle. He had polio many moons ago that damaged some of the blood vessels in his feet/legs. So now the blood has a difficult time pumping up from his feet back to his heart, causing a lot of swelling and pain. Anyway, something happened again and he's got this infection. He's been off his feet and on medication for about two weeks now. But he's not getting better. So he's going into the hospital today. I'm scared. I'm afraid he'll never walk again. I'm afraid he'll have to have an amputation. I'm afraid we'll have to move, he'd never survive in our house as it is now.

I want to drop out of school. I can't handle all this right now. I feel alone, even with more people to talk to than ever before. I feel stupid, uninspired, infantile. Yet I know I can't leave now. I'd let down my parents, myself. My dad especially. Seriously, you don't understand. I can't live without my dad.