null

Today I have every reason to be depressed or angry or sad or all of the above. Past, present, and future weigh on me in ways most people will never know. Today is the worst day of all. Today is the day my memory truly betrays me. I can feel my omnipresent tiredness and anger in the pressure behind my eyes, in the compulsion to start drinking and not stop until I see the gates of the kingdom in front of me.

I watch the people around me lead drama-filled lives and bear the pain that breeds. When I was younger, this angered me. I thought, "They don't know pain. If they lived what weighs on me today, then they could talk." I realized that I could no more judge their pain than my own. I wonder if that's growing up.

My ache is there, but I'm still happy because I'm still alive and can still fight.