This prayer is for me tonight
This far down that line and still ain't got it right
And while confessions not yet stated
Our next sin is contemplated
—Fuel, Innocent
You create your own reality.
That reality is shaped by how you want to feel. Not how you think you want to feel, but rather the emotions you exude in your fantasies borne out of emotionally charged situations. These can be emotions that are familiar, in which case you end up creating more of the same for yourself over time.
There’s a story that loops in your head that you don’t want to let go of, that drives your decisions. It’s subconscious. It’s some narrative you’ve created at some point in your life and are refining with each expression of whatever emotion you’re driven toward.
And when these emotions are negative, they contribute to a steadily rising wall. Something hurt you, and you keep putting yourself in situations that are as painful, because the narrative holds you to those experiences. It’s defensive. Wanting to be emotionally in pain means being able to shift toward indifference. In indifference, you can further separate yourself from others. And when you wound someone else out of your indifference, it starts or deepens the same process within them.
Hurt people hurt people. And always intentionally, but unconsciously. Interesting to consider, yet vital that you understand it and can recognize it in order to address it. Recognizing harmful behaviors allows you to question their motivation and learn the narrative. And once you’ve learned the narrative?
Well, that’s just it, isn’t it? How the fuck do you change the narrative?