noisy

last week i thought i heard a gun shot . . right outside my window. it completely startled me and then everything got quiet, so quiet in fact, i fell asleep shortly there after. the next day i found out it wasn't a gun shot at all, though i wished it was the second i stepped out to find a tree "branch" thicker than my waist had fallen directly onto the roof of my car, i mean i wouldn't call it a branch exactly, more like a log. it took two guys to lift it off of my damn car! come to think of it, i sure hope they didn't hurt their backs!

the landlord said it was an act of god and not covered. naturally i laughed in his face thinking he was pulling my leg, you know?, and when i finished laughing i could see he wasn't joking around. so i said to him, "you mean an act of nature?" no, he really meant "act of god", what a sham, what a slimey way to wheasel out of doing anything at all. what about all the athiests? i would love to put my boot up the ass of the dooshbag that came up with that lame excuse!

just two weeks before god hit my car with a tree branch, i broke a sliding glass door that shattered entirely onto my head, and then on the 4th, i innocently started a FIRE on the patio where i live. i came out the back door like a blazing retard with two small extinguishers in each hand, and let me just tell you right now that if you have small fire extinguishers where you are, make sure they are full and ready to go, you will probably look slightly less retarded if they work. thankfully, we had a hose nearby.