noelani

So my ticket has been bought. I'm leaving on Wed. morning at 7:30. I'm not ready. I'm not sure why I thought that leaving during Christmas time would be a good idea. Why I thought that pretending and having to put on a happy merry face would be easy and fun. I wouldn't really mind it if it was just my immediate family, but it's not. It's my entire step dads family, who are really nice.... but I don't really know them that well, and I'm going to be uncomfortable and nervous.. and that just makes everything worse. I haven't been able to stop crying since I found out when my plane leaves. My mom booked the flight. I just wish I would've waited until after Christmas to leave. I want to see them, and I want to be with family during the holidays, but I don't think I can fake it. I hate this...

Do you think anyone would notice if I skipped Christmas this year? How about if I skipped this whole year?

I'm going back to bed.

Kisses

I think I'm going shooting tonight. Thank god. I need it. I also need to work our some aggression on a heavy bag.

One would think I was a violent person after reading that... I'm not... Really...