Following is a letter sent to the Secretary of Agriculture:
Dear Mr. Secretary:
My friend Bordereaux received a $1,000 check from the government for not
raising hogs, and so I am going into the not-raising-hogs business.
What I want to know is, what is the best kind of land not to raise hogs on
and what is the best kind of hogs not to raise? I would prefer not to
raise razorback, but if this is not the best kind not to raise, I will just
as gladly not raise Durocs or Poland Chinas.
The hardest part of this business is going to be keeping an individual
record on each of the hogs I do not raise.
My friend Bordereaux has been raising hogs for more than 20 years and the
most he ever made was $400 in 1918, until this year when he received $1,000
for not raising hogs. Now, if I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, I will
get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs, $3,000 for not raising 150 hogs, etc.
correct?
I plan to start off on a small scale, holding myself down to not raising
4,000 hogs for which I will, of course, receive $80,000.
Now these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I
understand you pay farmers for not raising corn. Will you pay me for not
raising 100,000 bushels of corn, which I will not feed to the hogs, which I
am not raising?
I want to get started as soon as possible, as this looks like a good time
of year for not raising hogs.
Yours very truly,
Octover Brussard
___________________________________________________
Lifesavers
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first
graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say:
"Red..........Cherry"
"Yellow........Lemon"
"Green.........Lime"
"Orange........Orange"
Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers.
After eating them for a few moments, none of the children could
identify the taste.
"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue; it's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled, "OH MY GOD!!!!! They're assholes!!"
Dear Mr. Secretary:
My friend Bordereaux received a $1,000 check from the government for not
raising hogs, and so I am going into the not-raising-hogs business.
What I want to know is, what is the best kind of land not to raise hogs on
and what is the best kind of hogs not to raise? I would prefer not to
raise razorback, but if this is not the best kind not to raise, I will just
as gladly not raise Durocs or Poland Chinas.
The hardest part of this business is going to be keeping an individual
record on each of the hogs I do not raise.
My friend Bordereaux has been raising hogs for more than 20 years and the
most he ever made was $400 in 1918, until this year when he received $1,000
for not raising hogs. Now, if I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, I will
get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs, $3,000 for not raising 150 hogs, etc.
correct?
I plan to start off on a small scale, holding myself down to not raising
4,000 hogs for which I will, of course, receive $80,000.
Now these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I
understand you pay farmers for not raising corn. Will you pay me for not
raising 100,000 bushels of corn, which I will not feed to the hogs, which I
am not raising?
I want to get started as soon as possible, as this looks like a good time
of year for not raising hogs.
Yours very truly,
Octover Brussard
___________________________________________________
Lifesavers
A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first
graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say:
"Red..........Cherry"
"Yellow........Lemon"
"Green.........Lime"
"Orange........Orange"
Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers.
After eating them for a few moments, none of the children could
identify the taste.
"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue; it's what your mother may sometimes call your father."
One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled, "OH MY GOD!!!!! They're assholes!!"
