ninji

wishcast. 7.

remember what it was like? i'd stay up because i could not sleep. all my clothes set aside, notebook filled with sketches, homework dilligently done (no matter if i'd made it perfect, up 'till 3 am.

i was in sixth grade. i was calling you.

waiting for you to take me, tender. pictured you. somewhat blurry. older. always a smile. a soft repose. like a boy-brand mona lisa.

mona lisa as a boy.

my problem is, with past ones, i tried to fit the dream of you onto their faces. onto their bodies.

i hear remarks about my weight and i can't stand it. not motivated to change it. trying my best to love me now.

that's when i know i'll have found you. when you can see past all this 3D maniacal crazyrun world. when you can see the work of my heart and support me -- somehow by your very beingness, help me fashion it.

the ones before who didn't care about my size, they didn't care about me, either.

not that i don't care about my world it's just that i'd forgotten how. i'd love to sit beside you while i knit crochet stitch things back together. relearning what the cherry tastes tastes like. dousing my body in honey immersing in sweet.

cruel remarks as barbed wire if i hear just one more misplaced thoughtless phrase in the next little while i'll burst.

my delicate, delicious knight where have you
been all my dark drought
deeptrue
life