nexttuesday

Retrogirl is my fellow tart. And as tarts we made a pact with each other at the beginning of this year. We promised each other that this year would be different. This year we would focus on making ourselves happy and stop putting other peoples needs in front of our own. Too often people like us forgo our own happiness and sanity just to please other people. We both decided theres really no point to living live like that because there is no room left for us to shine.

So I am working hard to find my happiness and better myself to live up to this pact. And ya know what? It's working. I still hit some bumps where I revert back to putting others in front of me, feeling guilty, being overly stressed. But Retrogirl helps me back up, dusts me off, and reminds me of the pact. I love her, I truly do.

What do I want? Everything I've always wanted.

1. Top of the list. I want love the way I want it. I want to be romance. I want affection. I want to feel like I am beautiful. I want to trust and believe in love again. I want to be proven wrong, I want to discover someone can love me wholeheartedly.

2. I want a home. I dont necessarily mean I want to buy a house. I kinda gave up on that dream. But renting a home. So I dont have to deal with neighbors through a paperthin wall. Im so tired of being irritated by people who are really too stupid to exsist. I want a placee that I can come to after work and smile when I walk in the door because it feels like "home".

3. No more debt. This is just crazy. I work 2 jobs and I am tired. I will not deal with this debt for the next 5, 10, 20 years. It will be gone and if I have anything to say about it, it will not come back dammit. It depresses me and makes me feel like a failure. I'm tired of feeling this way.

4. Quit smoking once and for all. I cant afford it and I dont feel like dying anytime soon. It's time to stop being dumb. I've been having trouble breathing for a while now, I already feel better and its only my 5th day. I know I failed last time, I know I can do it this time.

5. I need to get healthy. This isnt even just a desire or anything, this is absolutely necessary. My body is failing me. Im getting one sickness or infection after another. Im tired. Im about 20 pounds under weight and still losing. I dont need to be in the hospital again. No more fast food. Im down to 1 soda a day, which if you know me is fucking amazing. I will soon cut that one out. I just dont want to waste my life anymore.

Those are the top five things I am working on. And Im working hard I guess the point of this entry was really to say this is what everyone should do. So often we are miserable with our lifes yet we do nothing to better it. If we could all just wake up and work on bettering it a little bit each day, the difference would be amazing.