nexttuesday

Grammas having seizures. Doctors dont know why. Bubbas freaking out. Moms freaking out. Sissys freaking out. Aunt M flew in from AR. I can't stop thinking of how happy she was on Thanksgiving. But everytime I do I just cry harder.

Doctors say "You may want to gather the family and start making arrangements."

Arrangements?

I need to arrange to find someone to sing me songs in German. I need to arrange to find someone to tell me to rub their shoulders harder and stop being a wimp. I need to arrange to find someone who still buys me little kid jewelry and gets all excited when I wear it the next time I see them. I need to arrange to find someone who will bring my grocery bags full of Sin Bins (national enquirer and weekly world news) and then excitedly tell me all the good dirt inside of them. I need to arrange to find someone to stick up for me when the rest of the family is telling me what a piece of crap I turned out to be.

Where am I gonna find a 5 foot tall, fat woman with a red afro who loves the colors purple and gold? Where am I gonna find someone who loves me as much as she does no matter what I look like or what I say or what kind of stunt I pull to the point where she would take down any family member just to stick up for me?

And can someone tell me what my Grampas gonna do???

Arrangements. What a terrible word.