Surprise I'm irritated again. Please don't bother reading this. I'm simply writing this to get it out cuz I have to stop trying to shove this all down. That's just making me take it out on those I love.
So I'm broke. We all know this. I'm busting my ass to pay my fucking bills and every time I get one step ahead it seems I get shoved 8 steps back. Yes I'm prolly being overdramatic right now but I just don't care atm.
My hours were cut at the dreaded clock job. I have terribly mixed feelings about this. I NEEEEEED the money. I can't go grocery shopping, I'm afraid I don't have money for gas, and I can't even buy a freaking soda pop. On the other hand, I'm burning out. I can't ever get enough sleep and that mixed with how much I work is wearing me down. I swear I'm fucking sick everyday. Whether it's my arthritis or me feeling nauseous cuz of lack of sleep and too much stress. The thought of a day off every week sounds like heaven. I could sleep. I could watch a movie. I could read. I could take a two hour bubble bath if I fuckin wanted cuz Id be alone for a bit. Doesn't that sound nice?
I got really upset today. We are having a Customer Service Rep Fun Week at the clock job. Basically we do weird "fun" things and we can win a prize. Yesterday we took a quiz and if you got all the questions right you won a $40 gas card. I got all the questions right. So did a shit ton of other people. So they put the winners in a hat and only 3 people got the gas cards. I was not one of them. And here I sit broke as fuck wondering how to put gas in my car. Bastards.
My fucking tooth is killing me. I really can't afford to get it fixed. I found out I have to throw down $200 to get it pulled. I can't even buy $20 worth of groceries how my gonna do that? Course I'm fucked once the prescription Starlyte bought for me (I couldn't afford to fill it) runs out.
Dear God,
Help a girl out PLEASE!!!!
Love,
Tuesday
Seriously I realize I'm being whiny. I know there are people who have it waaaaaaaaaay worse than me. But dammit I just want my life back. I want to spontaneously wiggle again. I don't want to pull down people I love anymore. I want to smile at the end of the day instead of sit around pissed off wishing I was asleep.
Am I depressed? Probably. Not much I can do about it atm. I feel like a spoiled lil brat even sitting here whining to myself. Stupid, I'm entitled to my feelings.
Tomorrow I only work the trucking job. I think I am gonna take that two hour bubble bath.
Then look for a 3rd job LOL just kidding just kidding!
Now don't get me wrong there are plenty of good things in my life right now. I am very well cared for. More so than I ever thought I could be. I really don't deserve it.
I love being able to dance.
I love an occasional drunk fest (free drinks of course).
I love hearing a song.
I love talking.
I love tucking a child in and getting an "I love you TiTi" every night.
I love my life believe it or not.
I just wish I had the money. That's what it all comes down to. I will never be able to afford my own place with how many bills I am paying.
Okay I'm done for now. And I do feel better. Sometimes typing to oneself is so much easier than talking about it.
So I'm broke. We all know this. I'm busting my ass to pay my fucking bills and every time I get one step ahead it seems I get shoved 8 steps back. Yes I'm prolly being overdramatic right now but I just don't care atm.
My hours were cut at the dreaded clock job. I have terribly mixed feelings about this. I NEEEEEED the money. I can't go grocery shopping, I'm afraid I don't have money for gas, and I can't even buy a freaking soda pop. On the other hand, I'm burning out. I can't ever get enough sleep and that mixed with how much I work is wearing me down. I swear I'm fucking sick everyday. Whether it's my arthritis or me feeling nauseous cuz of lack of sleep and too much stress. The thought of a day off every week sounds like heaven. I could sleep. I could watch a movie. I could read. I could take a two hour bubble bath if I fuckin wanted cuz Id be alone for a bit. Doesn't that sound nice?
I got really upset today. We are having a Customer Service Rep Fun Week at the clock job. Basically we do weird "fun" things and we can win a prize. Yesterday we took a quiz and if you got all the questions right you won a $40 gas card. I got all the questions right. So did a shit ton of other people. So they put the winners in a hat and only 3 people got the gas cards. I was not one of them. And here I sit broke as fuck wondering how to put gas in my car. Bastards.
My fucking tooth is killing me. I really can't afford to get it fixed. I found out I have to throw down $200 to get it pulled. I can't even buy $20 worth of groceries how my gonna do that? Course I'm fucked once the prescription Starlyte bought for me (I couldn't afford to fill it) runs out.
Dear God,
Help a girl out PLEASE!!!!
Love,
Tuesday
Seriously I realize I'm being whiny. I know there are people who have it waaaaaaaaaay worse than me. But dammit I just want my life back. I want to spontaneously wiggle again. I don't want to pull down people I love anymore. I want to smile at the end of the day instead of sit around pissed off wishing I was asleep.
Am I depressed? Probably. Not much I can do about it atm. I feel like a spoiled lil brat even sitting here whining to myself. Stupid, I'm entitled to my feelings.
Tomorrow I only work the trucking job. I think I am gonna take that two hour bubble bath.
Then look for a 3rd job LOL just kidding just kidding!
Now don't get me wrong there are plenty of good things in my life right now. I am very well cared for. More so than I ever thought I could be. I really don't deserve it.
I love being able to dance.
I love an occasional drunk fest (free drinks of course).
I love hearing a song.
I love talking.
I love tucking a child in and getting an "I love you TiTi" every night.
I love my life believe it or not.
I just wish I had the money. That's what it all comes down to. I will never be able to afford my own place with how many bills I am paying.
Okay I'm done for now. And I do feel better. Sometimes typing to oneself is so much easier than talking about it.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
it's ridiculous that something made up, currancy, can affect such a huge amount of the living, and it's something you don't take with you when you die
you do however take memories with you, memories like "I luv you TiTi"
team cloud 9
As a temporary resolve try to get some oil of cloves, its cheap and although tastes nasty will take any pain away.
As a last resolve I suppose you could put something on your wish list