nemesysxxx

My greatest thoughts

What 3rd circle of hell is it that geena davis just stops acting and becomes a professional archer? I dunno but itd be real cool to be a professional archer cuz if the need arises to kill a wild boar youd be the first person to raise your hand for the job. they would prolly let you keep the tusks.

you ever find yourself drink grape-ade out of a mason jar and wonder how the FUCK you got so ghetto, and then started looking for your menthol cigarettes?

Have you ever tossed someone's salad:
--> no but i did beak a few peoples brown mouths while doing 69

ALL OUR CUSTOMERS BUY IN BULK IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER i did actually say this

after being asked if we have to wear the clothes we sell NO, ACTUALLY WE COULD WALK AROUND NAKED ITS JUST I HAVE A REALLY WEAK STOMACH

SIR, IF YOU HAD FEWER NECKS IT WOULD BE EASIR TO SEE THAT AMAZING RACK

I realized tonight i know too much about smurfs for my own health. It has become smurfin' annoying!!!

i think Nick @ nite should be called "Makes Erik cry for no fucking reason" i think its like lifetime channel for dudes with freckles and tattoos

you ever find yourself wearing the most amazing underwear then the whole moment is lost when the store clerk yells at you to get out of the stiore because your balls accidentally fell out the leg of the lace panties you were trying on at vickis secret last saturday?

I think a cool nickname would be sugarcane jones. Just imagine owing a rweally old dude money and him screaming "damn you SUGARCANE JONES!!!!" makes you feel good doesnt it?

am i the only person who brings a pack of cigarettes, a drink, and a book into the bathroom with them? no? well i bet those people dont bring a bologna sandwich and a strobe light too.

i measured my penis the other day and it is 37 inches long. of course i started measuring from my sternum cuz thats where the muscle is connected.

i had a yuppie moment today as i was riding my exercise bike and watching Home and garden network's Designer challenge.

do you think they have arm wrestling in heaven? if so i think noah would win i mean he was there hammering away building that ark. I mean i could say Jesus would win but he was a carpenter but Noah built the ark and was a sailor. moses just carried two tablets ..yeah way to go moses... pfft!

If the world was a roleplaying game i would be a 21st level Archmage of dry humor. with a +2 to save vs. morons

With Apocalypse staring us in the faces with all these damnable robots scheming to start a new world order one thought creeps into my mind.......sex.

maybe instead of us all guarding our hearts maybe it is better to let em free for a bit each day. we live in a physically and emotionally dangerous world. But sometiems the strongest peoplea re the ones who dont let that fact change them.

i could be A roller skating pickle vendor(god that sounds bad).

It is the humorist in me that thinks up the depraved shit. Like i dont really want to be buried in a black tube top and cockring hold a cat o nine tails and riding crop like Anubis. But it makes me smile.

i dont want my testicles pummeled like a speed bag before a Tyson fight. Ive gotten away from the point...

Apparently people like to read about my hatred of lettuce. i dunno.

actually guys like boobs they see exposed on a regular basis. So yours win!

i think everyone should be more aware of the seats position before any bathroom activity takes place

The Wendy's rule - If the bun on your sandwich is dry eat as much as you can, if its a greasy bun eat as little as possible unless you enjoy crying while taking a shit.

its as magnificent as watching david blaine and criss angel have a magic duel at harry potters slumber party.

Here comes that ice cream truck for the 17th fucking time! all i can hear is "all around the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weasel the monkey thought it was all in fun....POP goes the weasel!" for the millionth time in a week. Now the birds arent singing, the sun feels to hot, i think i feel diaherrea coming on. Thanks icecream truck driver!

i thought it was more difficult to get an ice cream truck. its relaxed rules like this that lead to the Hamburglars escape.

You ever find yourself quietly taking a numero 2 on the big porcelin phone whilst reading Anne rices vampire chronicles and realize you have been trying pick a name out for an imaginary duck you have trained to talk like a parrot? no? Oh

Smirk dont smile. smiling is what stupid people do. it takes more thought and cunning to smirk and it makes the mouth muscles smarter.

Plan your retirement- not finacially, just plan on who you wanna aggravate the hell out of for the next 70 years and start today!

You know what burns my chapped ass? When people argue about jesus and dinosaurs! As if one negates the other. Oh the bible never mentioned dinosaurs they say....whatever neo-theologian douche bag.

Just cuz you got a pitcher or two in you doesnt mean your billy badass. It might mean you will write your name on the wall with billy badass in quotations.

What is the proper age to retire from professional hopscotch? I would assume 10. But im sure theres a fat 45 year old with dozens of trophies whod love to argue that point.

Embarassing moment 346- Your last disposable razor breaks halfway thru and you have to go to the store to buy more but forget to clean the shaving cream off your balls.

Some guy asked me if he could buy my underwear. I dont know what to do. I mean should i charge him half cuz its used or double cuz he likes it that way?

Luckily we also had job placement for mutants , it is what we called a circus .

I once met Jared Leto at the mall.well i didnt met him i saw him and vice versa. i was like man that guys short and then he looked at me and i saw the eyes and i realized a frightening thing Jared Leto's eyes made my penis move. So i can say i had a surprise gay moment with jordan catalano. jealous? i thought so.

The clitoris does NOT exsist. although scientists recently discovered the FEMALE CROTCH KNUCKLE. and it stinks

why cant a full grown man get a mural of unicorns tattooed on his back and buttcheeks without being called gay? i mean come on this is just immature and you should be supportive ....i mean you are kind of my boyfriend.