Haven't been on the site for a while, so I haven't posted a journal. No one ever reads it anyway, so I guess it's more for myself.
Been reading Lily's journal recently. It makes me very sad, not because of the pain she so often conveys, but because I am so jealous of her freedom. It often seems that that freedom comes at a price, but it is freedom nonetheless. Here I am, having consciously chosen the stable life, and I regret the decision everyday. Sure, I always know where my meals are coming from. Sure, I always have a roof over my head. But I feel so trapped. I'm going nowhere and I'm seeing nothing. I used to wake up wondering what bizarre shit would happen on that day. Now I wake up wondering whether or not my boss will yell at me.
For the first time since I moved back to Wisconsin two years ago I have friends. It's great, but I remember now why I'm such a loner. One friend is going to be doing the illustrations for my comic book, so that's a huge relief, but I get the distinct feeling that he doesn't approve of my other friend. She just broke up with her asshole boyfriend and seems to be coming to me for someone to talk to, which is weird for me because I think I'm starting to love her (Goddess, how I hate that L word). So now when I sit down to talk to both of them I feel like I can't look either of them in the eye, because when I look at him I feel like I'm ignoring her but when I look at her I feel like I'm ignoring him.
Been reading Lily's journal recently. It makes me very sad, not because of the pain she so often conveys, but because I am so jealous of her freedom. It often seems that that freedom comes at a price, but it is freedom nonetheless. Here I am, having consciously chosen the stable life, and I regret the decision everyday. Sure, I always know where my meals are coming from. Sure, I always have a roof over my head. But I feel so trapped. I'm going nowhere and I'm seeing nothing. I used to wake up wondering what bizarre shit would happen on that day. Now I wake up wondering whether or not my boss will yell at me.
For the first time since I moved back to Wisconsin two years ago I have friends. It's great, but I remember now why I'm such a loner. One friend is going to be doing the illustrations for my comic book, so that's a huge relief, but I get the distinct feeling that he doesn't approve of my other friend. She just broke up with her asshole boyfriend and seems to be coming to me for someone to talk to, which is weird for me because I think I'm starting to love her (Goddess, how I hate that L word). So now when I sit down to talk to both of them I feel like I can't look either of them in the eye, because when I look at him I feel like I'm ignoring her but when I look at her I feel like I'm ignoring him.