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n8tvegrl

Portland, OR

Member Since 2004

Followers 352 Following 236

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Thursday Sep 08, 2005

Sep 8, 2005
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Sometimes I feel like such a fraud. In every way but at the moment as a mother.

It's the third day of school and Waylon has forgotten to bring home his lunch case TWICE already. I told him he was grounded from playing with the neighbor until he brings it home. But then... last night... I had him write me a paragraph about his new teacher so that he could practice his handwriting (it has suddenly become absolutely atrocious). I went to check on him and he had one sentence and obviously didn't pay attention to his handwriting because it looked like shit. This pushed me over the top and I grounded him for the rest of the week.

I just have this intense rage about crap like this. He's so smart and when he behaves this way I see it as him being disobedient and disrespectful to me as his mother. I do everything I can to make sure he has the best of everything and that we give him the best education possible. We did educational stuff all summer and the boys have a microscope, a telescope, five science kits and anything else that might inspire them.

Not only that but I have this fear that he'll be taunted the way I was in school and I make sure that he's well dressed and has his hair gelled and everything before he goes to school. In fact, I spent over $400 on his school clothes and supplies alone this year. I just feel as if the little bit of respect and dedication that I'm asking for is miniscule in comparison.

So anyway... I had a meltdown this morning. Big time. I had given him a watch before school started (a nice silver men's watch) and he couldn't find it.

I yelled at him and told him that is ridiculous, unacceptable, and that in three days of school he has done nothing but disappoint me.

Now I'm still infuriated but I feel bad for being so harsh. I just wish it would get into his freaking head!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

What do you want to bet that he comes home with neither the lunch box OR the watch?

If he does I'm going to freak the fuck out and he's going to stay in his room and read the ENTIRE evening.

surreal mad ARRR!!! blackeyed frown EL SUICIDO LOCO
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
shinyredstar:
I grew up with a real asshole stepfather (he's now divorced from my mom and is in a psychiatric prison if that gives you any idea, but that's another story). He was very verbally abusive when I was young. At some point after becoming a parent and constantly beating myself up over stuff like that, I realized something about parents... we're humans. In his case, he's a Vietnam vet who used to have a lot of flashbacks, etc, and really believed he was exposed to chemical agents, and that's not too hard to believe. I can't even imagine how incredibly difficult it would have been to survive something like that. He was also a really good guy- very funny, intelligent, and really wanted a good, normal family. He called me about 6 months ago (before prison) and left me a voice mail, apologizing for anything he'd ever done that hurt me and I heard real pain in his voice. It didn't erase the things he'd done, but I understand now why it happened and the suffering he was going through, too.

You're human. You're going to say shitty things that you don't really feel good about later, and you're going to get angry/disappointed with your kids. As long as you love them and show them that you love them (and aren't doing anything wacky like handcuffing them in a crib or slapping them in the head when they spill their milk), you're doing your job as a parent.

I don't think this is helpful so I'm stopping now.
Sep 8, 2005
heatherdlite:
third grade is a tough one.

my daughter had a hard time with it.

don't kill yourself over it. but it is very frustrating.

kids make you do crazy and all but they are so worth it, and it sounds like you are doing the right thing.

Sep 8, 2005

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