mslion

And still it hurt so bad
(I thought Id get one over on you)
You know, I hope youre sad
(You deserve it more than anyone)

I could give you one good reason
You could be my winning season.
All the things we could have been just fell away

"Hand to my heart, I want to be the one
who always learned, she said.
Youre just like the sun.
I get so burned when you are close to me.


I had the most terrible dream this morning. It wasn't scary, but I woke up horrified nonetheless. My ex-fiancee and his wife (the person he was screwing when he asked me to marry him, actually) had split up again, and he asked me to move back in with him...the bad part is, my dream-self agreed and seemed to think it was a pretty good idea. The horrifying part is that he took Jenifer's wedding ring and gave it to me, and even though it was engraved with their names and was obviously well worn, I let him put it on my ring finger and wore it as if it had been mine all along because it was the perfectly right thing to do.

(If this makes any sense at all: it was how wrong that "right" feeling was that actually woke me up. )

What in the hell is going on in my subconscious that makes that idea ok even in a fucking dream??


(as I read back over this post, I don't want anyone to mis-interpret. The song is the one that's on repeat on my CD player right now because it's a *really* good song and has absolutely no connection to my ex. I actually harbor very little ill will toward Mike anymore, and what bit I do still have is more habit than any real animosity. Although you'd have gotten a completely different story a few years ago )