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So, I've decided to take up skateboarding. I tried skateboarding when I was around seven or eight and I full-on fucked myself up. It took about eighteen years to get over the fear of totally scarring my grill, so now I am ready.

The problem is that I know that I will break boards like no other. If I look at a skateboard, the fucker cracks. Are there any industrial strength skateboards out there? Something made out of rock maple and steel, possibly? I really want a new Stereo V.U. Logo board. But I don't think they carry it in maple-and-steel.

In other news, being a best-man at a wedding sucks fucking dick. It's more stress than I want and planning a bachelor party, for a bunch of guys I don't know, sucks. The only part that I am looking forward to is the best-man speech. I have written an epic tale of love and longing. I will make motherfuckers cry.

I'm also looking forward to being thoroughly trashed at the wedding. I hope I don't pass out when the vows are exchanged.