ms

So the wedding today was wicked cozy. Maybe forty people. It was a little too cozy. Everyone there was family and friends that were all married. There were exactly nine single women there. Only four were of age and of those four, one is a lesbian and the other is ninety-two.

So I had my pick of the bride's sister (who is ridiculously hot but a little on the **ahem** psycho side) or the blonde girl who definitely needs surgery to remove the pine tree she has lodged in her ass.

I attempted to wade through the waters and see if the fish were nibbling. The sister had an "episode" when everyone decided to go to the bar afterwards (it was a dry wedding, half of the adults there are recovering alcoholics.) She wanted to bring her chihuahua but we all thought it to be a bad idea. The blonde loosened up after her third martini and we made nice conversation. We talked about her family and her parents and her ex-husband and her ex-boyfriend and her job and her makeup usage and how the BMW shop did not provide her with a loaner car when she took her's in to get the brakes looked at. She thinks it's cute that I'm a musician. Her (almost) exact words: "Oh, you play guitar. How cute." Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

I think we should have taken the fucking dog with us. It was clothed in a little pink dress. It had all the makings of a Grade-A pussy magnet.