mrsted_stryker

I dont know how I feel about everything I am about to post....
I DONT know if I wanna talk about it yet....
so dont fuckin push me

I just got off the phone with my mom. She had a doctors appointment today...well a check up...they did blood work last week and this morning they had to do a mammogram. My mom just beat skin cancer and now she found out she has breast cancer. This is on top of having reconstructive surgery on her knee and cataract surgery on her eyes! These surgeries will all be in January! And now this.

I am supposed to be moving in May to Chicago. NOW I am rethinking my decision. My mom, crazy as she is, is my ONLY family. No brothers or sisters. No grandparents. No aunts and uncles. Just me and her. I feel so selfish that I even HAD the thought "well, what about ME and MY move?"

I am still gonna save to move I think. But I am probably NOT gonna go in May. It all depends on how it goes with her.

I am lost and confused and really dont know which end is up right now. I dont even feel sad yet. Although I JUST got off the phone with her...

I might need to disappear for a bit...I WILL be here...but I am really not in the mood to talk about it yet.

wow...my DREAM is to move. and now I feel like the gods or Buddah is taking that away from me...

so my mom just left my house. She is weird. First she brought me a gold bar. No not real gold silly but these desserts that the public schools make. Its peanut butter with rice crispy things in it with a layer of chocolate on top. They have been my favorite since I was in middle school but I couldnt eat them then as my diabetes diet was from the 80s and back then it was strict! I loved them so much and she was at work and her boss found where you can buy them and brought in like 50 so my mom snagged me one!
She didnt seem that upset...but I could see it in her eyes she was very scared.. we laughed a lot tho. Sje was making fun of me because I smoked a bowl before she came over and was so damn high!! She doesnt mind that I smoke occasionally. She knows it helps with my pain and that I dont smoke hardly at all. Plus it is helping with the not smoking cigs thing...
anyhoo...sorry..A.D.D
It really put things in perspective for me. I mean I am still going to save to move. That isnt going to change. It might me in May....it might be in 10 years. The point it that you never know how much time you have with someone. This could be it for her...maybe not. I want and need to cherish every moment I have with her because obviously she is getting multiple health issues. I know that she would not leave me if the tables were reversed. So as it stands I am staying here. Still saving money....but concentrating on the ONLY family I have...Life is too short to be thinking about only myself right now...
So I leave you with something that also helped....this movie is all about not having any regret...