mrginger

So there I was. Fresh out of the shower. Clean, relaxed, and ready to rock. I wrapped my towel around my waste and grasped the door knob. It turned. and turned. and turned.

I was locked in my fucking bathroom. Alone. Almost naked. Imprisoned. With no way to contact the outside world.

I tried to open the door with the finesse of a nail file. No Dice.

I had no way out. My thoughts flashed forward a week. There I was, drunk on bath water and running out of that delicious soap. Soon I'd have to rely on the SI swimsuit edition for sustenance. It would be a brutal day when I ate the last page of the Brazilian models. Then all I'd have left was the shower to distract my thoughts from my impending death. But at least I'd be fresh and clean clean.

The thoughtsd of this horrible fate had me sweating, damning the standards of cleanliness our society imposes. I could've live a long life as a dirt harvester. Maybe I could 've strated a flower garden in my buttcrack. Why God? Why did I have to be so clean? Its not as if anybody's mouth was scheduled for an appointment with my nuttsack anyways. Shit!

I had to do something.

So, after a short prayer and a cheese sandwhich, I implemented my last resort. If this desperate plan didn't work, I'd most certainly be dead within a week of my water being shut off.

Mustering all my strength ( that masturbating had left me with) I grasped the top of the door and, with no thought but survival, gave a bear-quality roar, and wrenched. The door snarled back, then groaning, submitted to the poer of my massive fury. I ripped that motherfucker right off the hinges. Bitch ass door.

I'm alive. I'm free. And my jewels are intact.

I'm going to go roll in some mud now.