moya

I joined my first group (well, my first choice) this morning around 2. Depression got too hard to handle, and I thought, you know what? See if there's a group for this, and I did. And there was, and I joined and I felt a little better. I was a wreck, though. I didn't want to go to bed. Those moments where you're lying in bed, waiting to fall asleep, and things and thoughts start to creep into your head and heart.. And then the waking up. God.

Someone caught me in one of my moments today as I looked through a window at the snow-covered trees.
Her: You look real sad.. *insert my real name here*, are you sad?
me: Yes.
*pause*
Her: Are you in love?

Unrequited from a human, and naturally loving those things that I believe deserve some from me . I'm brimming with it, and there's really no where to go with it . I have too much to give, it makes me despise life sometimes. You know how you get real fucking cranky/pissy/sad when you're either constipated or have diarrhea, and you just can't find a relief (most likely in the form of a toilet) to release it all out to (you know, the sitting for an hour), no matter how hard you try, so it stays bottled up, or in the latter case, you just..still cant find a place to let it all go (terrible dilemma, I must say!)? But you're glad as hell when it all finally comes out to the one thing that will always accept what's being given (shat?), and be glad to do you the honorable favor of staying right where you are always? Same idea, and gosh, yes, both are shit . Major suckage, being a hopeless romantic.

I like relating things to shit. Shit deserves an award for having the most in common with everything.

My sister called and cancelled on me today. I was really looking forward to her coming, we rarely spend any time together. We were going to go shopping, and I was going to make her go look at this place on the east side with me, because I'm told it's a terrible neighborhood that I wouldn't want to be in at night. Instead, I'm just going to go shopping, by myself. And that's it. I get lost very easily, even with printed out maps and directions. It's sad, really. But this disappoints me even more.

I'd love to stay and keep updating, but I'm feeling another pang inside welling up, so I'm going to the mall. Hello, mayfair. Cure me for a few hours. Let me make a friend or something. You get my money, it seems only fair .

Oh, and I think I might want to get my nose pierced. Nose piercing...picking nose.. piercing..picking..piercing..picking..