So like..... If things could get worse, today they did. The cancer center called today, my genetics came back. I in fact have the NF2 gene. I wasn't even concerned... I told myself there's no way I have that, laughed it off. Well fuck, guys. I feel utterly defeated right now. My ear has been ringing so bad which happens when I cry. And I haven't really stopped since I got off the phone with them. What the hell am I doing. I feel like surgery is pointless because I'm going to die young, I can end up completely deaf in both ears from this, my tumor can likely just keep coming back, and if surgery doesn't kill me this time, then what about everything else... Where are they going to find the next tumor.... Ffs. I have already had 13 known tumors. I feel stupid for not thinking I'd have this. I feel utterly defeated right now. I will call my therapist in the morning 😔
