Well, I finally caved.
I start work tomorrow. Honestly I am very nervous already. I have one ativan left I am going to save it. I need all the love and strength I can muster to make this job go right. It doesn't pay even close to what I need, but I almost dont care because it will be a literal miracle that I can even walk in the door let alone make it the whole day without getting sick and having to leave. I am grateful for the opportunity.
So also, I should say, please bare with me foe the wall of text in my campaign thing... I wanted to kinda put it all out there and just make it easier on me to not have to answer so many questions this time. I made one last year and it did ok but I didn't put a lot of info in it and i ended up answering a lot of messages.
I haven't been feeling good still. I am still having a lot of digestive pain and problems. I have been struggling to eat still and my energy is just non existent.
It took all of my energy and a few hours to type all of that. I then sat looking at it for the last hour proofreading but I cant really focus which is also why I posted a wall of text. I have a hard time putting my thoughts out in a clear and organized fashion. It's been a struggle since the last surgery and I hate every moment of it.
Yeah..... I dont know what else to say...I just feel sad kinda reading through and writing everything down. it just stresses me out. I never thought last year I would still be in this mess dealing with this by now. I thought id be in the clear and hopefully they got all or most of it out and I would be able to recover and live somewhat normally... Obviously the complete opposite has happened. And I am scared to lose my face and be paralyzed. :( I have a hard enough time with people seeing me now as it is. I have lost so much weight and I look sick. It's so hard to hide now.
I love you guys. I dont have anyone else. :(
So, I got my streaming stuff I think set up. I had to buy a new xbox which I know probably wasn't a priority but I have nothing else to distract me a lot of times and its the only thing I can focus on. My old one wouldn't connect to the internet anymore. Its my escape. I want to stream but I am so awkward now. My channel is under refridgerrage. I believe there are two R's. I was thinking I might do a raffle to get rid of the extra copy of fallout 76 I ended up with too. I dont know.... I have ideas and little energy to actually execute them to be honest. I do have an extra copy though I suppose I should just try and sell it :P
Ok....I am rambling. So yeah. I should rest before my big day tomorrow. Wish me luck?
