Awww... Shit... I just totaly burnt myself out... Working out is supposedly a good way to burn off steam... If you're use to it.... Four minutes of jumping jacks, 12 pushups, 22 chinups and five crunches from the chinup bar and I want to die...
I tried to get my second set of 12 chinups in but found I couldn't physicaly lift myself after 10 more. I think I did everything too quickly... Too much rage to blow off all at once.
It started the other day when I went out for dinner with Tash, Cassie, Annie and Marie... Then for coffee... Hanging out with marie is hard enough, hearing her mention her boyfriend eats away at me. After that I was in a pretty foul mood all through work, last couple days.. I guess we got together on wednesday and I'm still a mess... Had my party on saturday. It was small. 9 people showed up. Marie one of them... I made myself have fun. We talked, we're friends and we acted as such. She was going back to Nova Scotia today.
Yesterday I walked down town to get me knife from the army surplus store. I dropped it off to get sharpened then kept comming in and it wasn't done. I didn't really care. I wasn't going to use it any time soon. They didn't charge me though, which was nice. I also got a spiffy little LED lantern. Like my little tealight lantern but... Better.
I took some marshmellow-cornflake squares to Sarita while she was at work. We made them at the party but she had to go right before they were ready.
Me buddy Kevin and I got together for one more night of fishing before he leaves for europe in two days.
He was telling me about this Hobo who's been hanging around in the area behind his place where the pond is... Cats have been going missing from the neighbourhood and when someone found the hobo's camp he had two cats tied up to a tree. They were rescued but we think we know what happened to Kevin's cat that went missing a few weeks ago.
I made a sling for my tonfa and put it in on my back under my shirt, strapped on my gauntlet too. If we had to rescue any more cats I didn't want no hobo whooping my ass... Kevin wanted to hunt him down and beat him to a pulp. I know the feeling. if anyone ever hurt Digger or Widget I would make them live in a whole new world of pain and probably make it so they couldn't tell anybody who did it to them.
Though I might also want a friend at my back making sure I don't do something stupid. Which is who I was going to be for Kevin. He might have killed the guy if we found him.
A rather large pike was taunting us the entire time. He leapt out of the water at my bait. Didn't catch on it though... We're pretty sure Kevin had him on again, then the line broke taking my favorite lure with it. We think we heard him jump on the other side of the pond because we heard this rattling like hooks.
Then Kevin had him on one more time. Pulled him right into the weeds at the shore but that's where it was able to pull free... He was pretty big considering the size of the pond. Must have been six or seven pounds. Fat too so it might have been a female.
I've been pretty darn lonely latly... Sis and Mom have gone off again. Digger was aboslutly beside himself the morning Nancy left. She wasn't gone long but you could tell he knew she wasn't comming back.
He wouldn't even play with the horse whip... He loves that thing. Any time of day you can get him to play with it. This time he flopped down took a couple half assed bats and it then just dropped his head back down and sighed.
Sarita almost stayed the night of the party , but she had the chance to get a ride back and I figured she had better take it. She knows I've been upset, and I'm not sure what would have happened if she stayed.
But I wish she did.
Tonight I made myself a nice steak dinner, some noodles with butter and herb sauce and an awesome salad. There was some goat milk feta in the fridge, greek olives and I picked a whole whack of fresh cherry tomatoes from the garden. Put some balsamic dressing I bought fo marinate the steak in on it and it was pretty damned good. I gotta keep that feta stuff around.
I thought about Marie. She told me to message her sometime... Which I haven't really done much of in the last year. I wondered if she'd be online soon if she left early this morning. But that would mean she's in her house, living with her boyfriend this year.... *grumble*
That's about when I decided to crank up some angry music and just about kill myself working out.
I enjoy being small and skinny. I'm not bony. Just... Well, the lot of you have seen me naked, you know what I look like.
I know plenty of girls like the way I look as I am. But I almost want to put on some muscle now.
Sometimes I have dreams where I need to hit someone but I'm just too weak and I don't do a thing to them.
I just don't know if I want to do this because I want to, or if I'm doing it because I'm hoping it will make me more appealing. I thought I was waht marie wanted but then she goes for 'dumber than a bag of hammers', jock there.
So there's the question again. Why do I want to be stronger?
I want to be able to fight when I need to.... Guh... I'm a real fuck'n mess latly... I gotta get out and do something. Meet people. I don't know when I'm going to have time. I'm working every day this week. Three days at the grocerie store, two at the jeweler's. I hope I can figure out what's happening with this pay soon. I want to be there full time.
I'm going to get to sleep. I feel pretty damned dead.
I'll let you guys try to sort out the jumble I just crapped out of my brain. Good luck.
One more thing... And don't you dare say it's less important than the losses other's have suffered. Because it's not. But I remembered someone who I'm pretty sure I lost in Katrina. A friend from the Marine Life Oceanarium right on the shore in Gulfport. I don't remember his real name. I just remember him as 00-Sealion.(Double-Oh).
That was one of the most exciting, happyest things that happened to my on my trip to Mississippi. Sea creatures have always meant alot to me.
I tried to get my second set of 12 chinups in but found I couldn't physicaly lift myself after 10 more. I think I did everything too quickly... Too much rage to blow off all at once.
It started the other day when I went out for dinner with Tash, Cassie, Annie and Marie... Then for coffee... Hanging out with marie is hard enough, hearing her mention her boyfriend eats away at me. After that I was in a pretty foul mood all through work, last couple days.. I guess we got together on wednesday and I'm still a mess... Had my party on saturday. It was small. 9 people showed up. Marie one of them... I made myself have fun. We talked, we're friends and we acted as such. She was going back to Nova Scotia today.
Yesterday I walked down town to get me knife from the army surplus store. I dropped it off to get sharpened then kept comming in and it wasn't done. I didn't really care. I wasn't going to use it any time soon. They didn't charge me though, which was nice. I also got a spiffy little LED lantern. Like my little tealight lantern but... Better.
I took some marshmellow-cornflake squares to Sarita while she was at work. We made them at the party but she had to go right before they were ready.
Me buddy Kevin and I got together for one more night of fishing before he leaves for europe in two days.
He was telling me about this Hobo who's been hanging around in the area behind his place where the pond is... Cats have been going missing from the neighbourhood and when someone found the hobo's camp he had two cats tied up to a tree. They were rescued but we think we know what happened to Kevin's cat that went missing a few weeks ago.
I made a sling for my tonfa and put it in on my back under my shirt, strapped on my gauntlet too. If we had to rescue any more cats I didn't want no hobo whooping my ass... Kevin wanted to hunt him down and beat him to a pulp. I know the feeling. if anyone ever hurt Digger or Widget I would make them live in a whole new world of pain and probably make it so they couldn't tell anybody who did it to them.
Though I might also want a friend at my back making sure I don't do something stupid. Which is who I was going to be for Kevin. He might have killed the guy if we found him.
A rather large pike was taunting us the entire time. He leapt out of the water at my bait. Didn't catch on it though... We're pretty sure Kevin had him on again, then the line broke taking my favorite lure with it. We think we heard him jump on the other side of the pond because we heard this rattling like hooks.
Then Kevin had him on one more time. Pulled him right into the weeds at the shore but that's where it was able to pull free... He was pretty big considering the size of the pond. Must have been six or seven pounds. Fat too so it might have been a female.
I've been pretty darn lonely latly... Sis and Mom have gone off again. Digger was aboslutly beside himself the morning Nancy left. She wasn't gone long but you could tell he knew she wasn't comming back.
He wouldn't even play with the horse whip... He loves that thing. Any time of day you can get him to play with it. This time he flopped down took a couple half assed bats and it then just dropped his head back down and sighed.
Sarita almost stayed the night of the party , but she had the chance to get a ride back and I figured she had better take it. She knows I've been upset, and I'm not sure what would have happened if she stayed.
But I wish she did.
Tonight I made myself a nice steak dinner, some noodles with butter and herb sauce and an awesome salad. There was some goat milk feta in the fridge, greek olives and I picked a whole whack of fresh cherry tomatoes from the garden. Put some balsamic dressing I bought fo marinate the steak in on it and it was pretty damned good. I gotta keep that feta stuff around.
I thought about Marie. She told me to message her sometime... Which I haven't really done much of in the last year. I wondered if she'd be online soon if she left early this morning. But that would mean she's in her house, living with her boyfriend this year.... *grumble*
That's about when I decided to crank up some angry music and just about kill myself working out.
I enjoy being small and skinny. I'm not bony. Just... Well, the lot of you have seen me naked, you know what I look like.
I know plenty of girls like the way I look as I am. But I almost want to put on some muscle now.
Sometimes I have dreams where I need to hit someone but I'm just too weak and I don't do a thing to them.
I just don't know if I want to do this because I want to, or if I'm doing it because I'm hoping it will make me more appealing. I thought I was waht marie wanted but then she goes for 'dumber than a bag of hammers', jock there.
So there's the question again. Why do I want to be stronger?
I want to be able to fight when I need to.... Guh... I'm a real fuck'n mess latly... I gotta get out and do something. Meet people. I don't know when I'm going to have time. I'm working every day this week. Three days at the grocerie store, two at the jeweler's. I hope I can figure out what's happening with this pay soon. I want to be there full time.
I'm going to get to sleep. I feel pretty damned dead.
I'll let you guys try to sort out the jumble I just crapped out of my brain. Good luck.
One more thing... And don't you dare say it's less important than the losses other's have suffered. Because it's not. But I remembered someone who I'm pretty sure I lost in Katrina. A friend from the Marine Life Oceanarium right on the shore in Gulfport. I don't remember his real name. I just remember him as 00-Sealion.(Double-Oh).
That was one of the most exciting, happyest things that happened to my on my trip to Mississippi. Sea creatures have always meant alot to me.
Sometimes women are just stupid and think they can get something better. I thought I'd do better than the boy and at times I feel like I was wrong. Just know you are probably the better person simply based on the fact that you're smarter than a rock.