Call me nieve for not realizing that women could be as shallow as men when it comes to only wanting someone just because they're attractive and want to say they 'did that'. Add another notch to their belts.
I'm comming to realize more and more every day that I'm some kind of sex object to these girls.
Sarita's not unhappy in her relationship, she's not lacking any affection or encouragment.
She doesn't want me more. As she puts it, there's some sort of "Raw animal magnetism" about me, she said in a dramatic tone.
She just wanted to be close to me on the side. There are no long term intentions.
The fact that I've had two other girls jokingly, or not invite me to spend the night with them in the past week is starting to make me realize that it was the same for Marie.
She felt guilty about wanting me and still being with her boyfriend, so she said she'd leave him. But in the end I didn't really have enough of what she wanted, and had to go back on her word.
All the people whom I genuinly wanted in every way just see me as some fantasy they want to live out.
Even though I've had the expiriences with them, I've felt what it's like to be close to them. Even as recently as last night.
Even with all that, knowing what I know now it feels like it's been years since I've been close to anybody.
I guess this revelation comes at a good time. Everything else in my life is changing, But now I don't have any little happy thoughts to help me through when it gets scarry.
There's nobody I dream about being with now. There's no point. They never wanted me the same way.
No more relationships I've been building over the last year or so. I have to start over from scratch.
Having girls off my mind could be helpful though. No more distraction.
Meh. I'll get through it. I aways have, always do. I've never needed anyone in the past.
Once they come along it seems hard to get by without them. But then I get a kick in the pants like this to remind me I can do it on my own.
Well.. I'm gonna hope my tac shirts arrive in the mail today.
I was stupid and didn't order more charcoal soldering blocks when I called the jewelry supply the other day. Oh well. I can play with casting for a little while hopefully.
I'm comming to realize more and more every day that I'm some kind of sex object to these girls.
Sarita's not unhappy in her relationship, she's not lacking any affection or encouragment.
She doesn't want me more. As she puts it, there's some sort of "Raw animal magnetism" about me, she said in a dramatic tone.
She just wanted to be close to me on the side. There are no long term intentions.
The fact that I've had two other girls jokingly, or not invite me to spend the night with them in the past week is starting to make me realize that it was the same for Marie.
She felt guilty about wanting me and still being with her boyfriend, so she said she'd leave him. But in the end I didn't really have enough of what she wanted, and had to go back on her word.
All the people whom I genuinly wanted in every way just see me as some fantasy they want to live out.
Even though I've had the expiriences with them, I've felt what it's like to be close to them. Even as recently as last night.
Even with all that, knowing what I know now it feels like it's been years since I've been close to anybody.
I guess this revelation comes at a good time. Everything else in my life is changing, But now I don't have any little happy thoughts to help me through when it gets scarry.
There's nobody I dream about being with now. There's no point. They never wanted me the same way.
No more relationships I've been building over the last year or so. I have to start over from scratch.
Having girls off my mind could be helpful though. No more distraction.
Meh. I'll get through it. I aways have, always do. I've never needed anyone in the past.
Once they come along it seems hard to get by without them. But then I get a kick in the pants like this to remind me I can do it on my own.
Well.. I'm gonna hope my tac shirts arrive in the mail today.
I was stupid and didn't order more charcoal soldering blocks when I called the jewelry supply the other day. Oh well. I can play with casting for a little while hopefully.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
but then again, i have very little to say to people who need or brag about notches in belts.
and true, i didn't realize the age factor, and that does make a difference.
nonetheless, you were led on, in one form or another. not cool.