*reads over last post* Wow.. Me sure is good with talking right.
Guh... So yesterday I went swimming with Marie... Big mistake. I knew it was a big mistake as soon as she pulled into the driveway.
She's looking gorgious.
Now all I can think about is how I likely won't get another chance with her, and how I've ruined any that I might get in the future.
I should just be able to let it go knowing all this. But that tiny hope is enough for me to hold onto. So it keeps comming back.
I'm trying to be friends with her still, but I don't know if it's because I'm hoping I might get another chance and want to keep things good between us until then, or if I'm just doing it because I care about her. I sure don't get much out of spending time with her. It just hurts.
Though she is one of the few girls I can sit down and have a long intelligent conversation with. If you can call the things we talk about intelligent.
It is to us.
Which makes it even more depressing that I can't be with her.
I'm feeling very lonely. All my friends are in relationships right now. Though it makes me feel a little better knowing I've set a couple of them up. I hate to say I'm jealouse because I know just getting affection because I don't have it doesn't help.
I want the affection that comes from someone who I've come to know and care about over a few years, then suddenly felt so close to. Just being touched by them brings the deepest pleasure.
I've only got a little more than a year before I go to school. hardly enough time to build one of those relationships. Even if it were something I could plan.
Kinda makes the next year look pretty bleak and hopeless.
New yorrk is making me a little nervouse. It's going to be competative. I've never really had much call to be competative before.
It's probably an expirience I could use, and I'm really looking forward to the school expirience. But it's scary.
I'm also at a creative stand still right now. I can't think of anything to make. Or else I'm giving up after very little effort. Probably the heat. But it's discouraging.
It's really hard to pull myself back up to that cool confidence I used to have. Something always shoots me down again.
No single buddy to have over for beers and movies.
Haven't heard from Sarita for a while. The thought of her doesn't make me feel much better though.
I was so sure I was over Marie. Then I just had to look at her.
Pathetic. I hate being angsty... Happy is so much better, but why be happy?
Guh... So yesterday I went swimming with Marie... Big mistake. I knew it was a big mistake as soon as she pulled into the driveway.
She's looking gorgious.
Now all I can think about is how I likely won't get another chance with her, and how I've ruined any that I might get in the future.
I should just be able to let it go knowing all this. But that tiny hope is enough for me to hold onto. So it keeps comming back.
I'm trying to be friends with her still, but I don't know if it's because I'm hoping I might get another chance and want to keep things good between us until then, or if I'm just doing it because I care about her. I sure don't get much out of spending time with her. It just hurts.
Though she is one of the few girls I can sit down and have a long intelligent conversation with. If you can call the things we talk about intelligent.
It is to us.
Which makes it even more depressing that I can't be with her.
I'm feeling very lonely. All my friends are in relationships right now. Though it makes me feel a little better knowing I've set a couple of them up. I hate to say I'm jealouse because I know just getting affection because I don't have it doesn't help.
I want the affection that comes from someone who I've come to know and care about over a few years, then suddenly felt so close to. Just being touched by them brings the deepest pleasure.
I've only got a little more than a year before I go to school. hardly enough time to build one of those relationships. Even if it were something I could plan.
Kinda makes the next year look pretty bleak and hopeless.
New yorrk is making me a little nervouse. It's going to be competative. I've never really had much call to be competative before.
It's probably an expirience I could use, and I'm really looking forward to the school expirience. But it's scary.
I'm also at a creative stand still right now. I can't think of anything to make. Or else I'm giving up after very little effort. Probably the heat. But it's discouraging.
It's really hard to pull myself back up to that cool confidence I used to have. Something always shoots me down again.
No single buddy to have over for beers and movies.
Haven't heard from Sarita for a while. The thought of her doesn't make me feel much better though.
I was so sure I was over Marie. Then I just had to look at her.
Pathetic. I hate being angsty... Happy is so much better, but why be happy?