montagro

I feel like I'm caught in an undertow. No matter my efforts I just keep getting pushed down. Running in circles where each day is regretebly like the last. Contemplating late at night--or early in the morning--as I make the attempt to fall asleep, comming up with solutions for ways to break the cycle but knowing that in the morning all the inspiration and energy will be lost and will just revert to being complacent with how things are. The cause is repeatition, behavior repeated over a substancial amount time rearranging my brain to become part of what I am. A routine is an addiction to familiarity. Life goes by fast and before you know it you've lost everything you once loved and you're somebody you hate -- I think that's a paraphrase from Life as a House . It's all subjective though, this world could be all about puppy dogs and candy canes or it could be about nuclear war and poverty. And who knows to someone else this life could be enviable. I assume that to be content with the present and going from there is the ideal way to go about it. I see the end but how do I get there from here?

p.s. I could see how this might read as awkward or annoying but I had to vent someway