monroe

It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house
At least I'm not drinking
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets

This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone

If I was my heart
I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now
My blood running cold
I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me
I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light

His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone


Sometimes I don't understand myself.

I wish I would have realized how much he actually did care about me while we were still together. I wish he would have shown me more, but it's not really all his fault he didn't. It's not entirely my fault, though ultimately I brought about the end. It's not entirely anyone's fault. It was four years of loving, but mostly torturing each other. I was so okay with it before but tonight I feel disastrous.

I'm going to Texas with my family tomorrow. I'll be back and hopefully in better shape on Wednesday. Don't worry about me-- I'll be in good care.