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suicide - real honest to goodness killing yourself on purpose. how do i feel about suicide? well lets see. have i ever been suicidal? my initial response is yes. there have been times when i have been so depressed that i felt as though the only way the pain would ever stop was if i were dead, therefor unable to feel anything. for the most...
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johnnyvonbondie:
That doesn't make you selfish. Being sad and missing someone because they are not around doesn't make you selfish. Your sad because someone that you care about is gone by their own hand and maybe, just maybe you could have helped change their mind about suicide and for whatever reason could not.

Maybe that didn't make sence, But you are in the situation where you can help your friend by supporting her through a very rough time in her life. The fact that she told you what she was thinking about was by itself a cry for help. You mentioned all of this already, I know. But the plus here is you do have a chance to help someone who needs it and she maybe hoping that you try.

Just a thought.

I've been in a similar situation before, helping someone and needing the help myself. Those are dark times and that's when we really need our good friends to come through.

Good luck.

Oh, was your show good?

JVB
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nothing bad is happening right now. im mean not anyting new anyways. i always seem less inspired to write in this journal if things are going ok. why is it easier to be passionate about the negative aspects of our lives than the positive?
johnnyvonbondie:
That's funny shit, dude.

On Saturday, the 7th I helped my friend put on the Catheters show at CWU in Ellensburg and afterwards we went to this after party type thing and got there just in time to see Derek finishing a 35 second keg stand.

The funny thing is he wasn't even done, the guys took him down before he could even finish. That fucker can put it down.

He got so fucked up that he was almost social, that was a site to see. smile

So I guess you guys both work at Chop Suey then?
I dig that place. I haven't been in for a while, but it rules.

For the record, in case Derek is getting worried about seeing my friends and I at all the shows, we're not stalking them! I swear! smile

It's just their shows kick ass and we have so much fun we just try to make it to all the gigs we can.

Yeah, I gotta go to work now.

Later.
JVB

[Edited on Dec 18, 2002]
erin:
that's ok, it was more about work relationships and friendships. hence the responsibility speech. i was recently let down by someone i counted on to perform a certain task in my stead. they didn't do a good job, so i have to find someone else to do it. and it annoys me. but if that person had proved themselves dependable who knows what kind of authority i would have given them in the future. anyway...
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my next door neighbor is really starting to piss me off. she leaves her cat outside in the rain all night long, when clearly the cat would rather be in side. when i get home at night wich is usually after three am, the poor kitty is sitting on her door step soaked wet and shivering. i dont know the cats real name but my...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
johnnyvonbondie:
Dude, I'm getting more sore by the hour.

Maybe I'm getting to old for this shit. smile

JVB
cherry:
It's a shame you couldn't add me as a friend, but thanks for the thought smile

Cherry xx
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i can start to feel a cold comming on. nagging itch on the back of my tounge. neck starting to puff out. eyes starting to get wattery. nose runny. irretability will set in soon. i try to drink liquids, but i know its not nearly enough. grrrr. i hate being sick. i always seem to get sicker than most. better try and get some rest.
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starting to loose faith. or is it just that i dont care?
mistersatan:
what's the difference?
monkeypox:
for me a loss of faith whould imply you stop believeing in someting you once believed in. or you no longer acknowledge the validity or worth of the subject. if you dont care you can still recognize the subject, however the consiquenses for not respecting it become inconsiquential. its true the result is mostly the same.

[Edited on Dec 15, 2002]
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ok so i was present at the sgseattle get together tonight at lelani lanes. however i didnt really feel like i was there. some weird sort of social awkwardness wich was far too much to overcome. my silence and reclusiveness was not a responce to the present company, although honestly i didnt really get a chance to meet you - not really. and for sure...
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got drunk last night - probably again tonight - im hungry

mmmmm open faced turkey chili and cheese sandwich on sourdough
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so my girlfriend went on vacation today. i slept in till bout six pm got up watched some tv ate checked emails and now its nine pm. im bored and i miss my girlfriend
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ok im now taking this computerized socialization to a whole new and scary level (for me anyways) and ive just signed up for the instant messenger feature. well see if anybody notices. i have no friends so probably not.

computers are so weird

today i ate four polish sausages with cream cheese avacados ketchup and relish. steak and onions. mashed potatoes and gravy, a salad...
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food listing journals are sooooooo boring...

but its already working. last night my girlfried gave me a talking to - she says im gonna have a heart attack, and my guts are probably rotting.

the problem is ive already known this for a long time now, and still i eat like elvis. its gonna take more than a little nagging im afraid. i honestly like...
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in the "intentionally setting my self up for public ridecule" departmant...

maybe i should start listing everything i eat each day here in my journal, so you could all shame me into healthier eating habits.

wow this is actually making me nervous. for the fist time im actually worried what someone might think if they read my journal. but ok, its for the better good...
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must sleep! too weak to go on.

by the way, if i start abusing laxitaves, will i loose weight or just become under nurished and unhealthy? how bout if i pair them with a regular dose of vitamens. i really have no desire to stop eating, but i dont wanna be fat. i dont enjoy vigerous exercise but i do like to ride my bike....
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