monirose

hello everyone...

Im feeling very mellow...no idea why...i think i past a point where stress just kinda hydroplains and everything just keeps passing by sooo fast that you just cant do anything about it...

I have never ever ever had a problem with school...I was always the one ahead of myself and kinda just riding the quarter till the end...Well let me tell you...I much prefer that than struggling..I have messed up so bad this quarter..and if i can get out of these classes with C's its only because i think i have good karma..

My relationship is always on a turbulant up and down...It has been on the highest highs as of late...but then hits the scariest lowest lows...I hate not knowing if im going to cry, laugh, sing or scream! i hate always feeling like im on the edge of a mood swing all the time....Its evil..I am difficult, but not bitchy..and I've been bitchy..

Work has been amazing! it has been the only place i can say...YES.. FINALLY! some PEACE! ..and thats not because i have down time... actually quite the contrary...I am so super busy and i am being so sought after for presentations, Authoring Help material and presenting to clients..I diont have a moment to breath..but everything makes sense there...UNTIL last monday.. My work laptop crashed...ssiigghh....and due to enkryption software installed and mandated by the corporate group all my data was lost........ssiiiggghhhh....but because im smarter than the average bear, i kept back up of my own personal files...but i didnt do it as much as i should have so at best it puts me 2 weeks behind...two weeks i dont have to offer or time to make up....ssiiigghh....

I was so defeated last week....i just wanted to sit in a corner cry and just wait for it all to be over....I brought my kitty kat over to my new place finally! and hes freaking out on me..and i am trying to be patient..but hes driving me insane....i know its new for him and hes terrified...but sheeshhh....lol....

I just want to be content....im not looking for Happy..It's impossible to be Happy all the friggin time...if anyone was, I would say they are on sumtin! lolol..

I just want a steady healthy relationship, I want a someone to recognize that I am doing my best, bleeding my fingers to the bone to give them the world and I would be happy with half the effort in return. I want someone who will appreciate the fact that i am making moves for myself..I have goals and aspirations and i want to provide to my family a better life and i wont require someone to take care of me all my life.. I want to be a contributor to my family...and whether im making 5k more or less...it shouldnt matter...because everything is ours and we could be happy together....why is that too much to ask for?

Why is romance too much to ask for? Why is it too much to ask for random hugs and kisses? to receive a token of someones affection unprompted? to be surprised? to be appreciated? Why is it too much to ask when I give you all that in return..

NO! Its not about, expecting someone to love you as much as you love them.. Its about someone appreciating how you love them and wanting you to feel as special...SPECIAL! YES!! Thats what i was looking for..

I WANT TO FEEL SPECIAL!! I WANT TO BE WANTED! I WANTED TO BE DESIRED AND I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!

thats what i want..I hate the tired excuse..."well i asked and people thought...." I DONT GIVE A FUCK WHAT PEOPLE THOUGHT! Its not about what your friends or family or anyone else thought, Its about knowing me and knowing what i would have wanted...

I dont want to be rich and famous...no desire for it.. I want to live a comfortable life, I want to provide to my children, I want to live in a safe and comfortable home.. When I tell my children no, or my husband no, I want it to be because I am too lazy to go get something, I want it to be because my children didnt get an A in Math..Not because I cant..

ok...maybe I'm rambling....

Edit:: I got bored