"Good evening and welcome to Hard Yards. I'm your host, Derrick Tushy. We ask the tough questions and get the tough answers. Tonight on Hard Yards...we talk to Mojo7673 in his first interview since his last interview."

"Mojo7673, thankyou for your time. If I can start...wait what are you doing?"

"Oh sorry, I didn't realise we were on. Let me just zip that up. Nice to be here tonight, Derrick."

"Yes...well. My first question..and the first question our viewers want to know is, you recently made some controversial remarks via your Twitter account. Do you still stand by them?"

"That Vegemite is a food product? Yes. 100% I stand by those remarks."

"Hmmm I see. Well how do you respond to allegations that your Spider Madness has finally tipped you over the edge?"

"Categorically not true and any suggestion to the contrary is scuttlebutt."

"Scuttlebutt?"

"Wish wash. Ballyhoo. Gibbity gabbity."

"My next question then. Will you ever back down on your...some would say very public...vocal statements that having a close up of a vagina as a profile picture is as confronting as a cock pic?"

"Yes. Yes. Thankyou Derrick for that one. Quite a shock when you are expecting a face and it's just an unkempt labia looking back at you I must say. People are a lot more than just a cooter or a tackle after all. If this is the way the world is going, then at least draw a face on your bits with Photoshop. I even have a Sharpie in my satchel if you want to borrow it."

"I see. Wait we have a caller on the air. Mona from Clownhole, your question for Mojo?'

"Yes thankyou Derrick. First time caller, longtime viewer. I just want to ask, Mojo, is why you never take the Would You Have Sex With The Person Above you thread seriously? It's a legitimate way to bang somebody."

"Hello Mona. Good question. Well it's not serious or legitimate at all...it's in the Silline..."

"NO! It's absolutely serious. I met my sixth husband through that thread and I'm sick of you trashing it."

"Well Mona, and I say this from the very bottom of my heart. Get fucked. Fuck off. Fuckity bye."

"Mona has gone off the air and thank God for that. One final question. Is the puppet ever coming back?"

"Oh wow what a question. Absolutely. We are going to fill up Piper's page with puppet porn as soon as possible."

"Mmm hmm. Right. Well that's all the time we have on our program tonight...Mojo what are you doing?"

"Oh shit I thought we were done. I'm going to put it away but don't act like you aren't impressed."