modaisy

I am afraid to be alone. That's what all of these odd feelings stem from. I associate being with someone to being attractive. I associate being attractive with not being alone. I'm afraid of being alone, because, after all, I was with someone, non-stop, for 6 years.

It's scary and weird to cut the imbilicle cord. So that's what happened. That's why I freaked out. That's why things got weird and clingy. So these are the things I've figured out, specifically:

1. I can date who I want.
2. Josh can date who he wants.
3. Anyone can date whoever the fuck they want.
4. I'm in love with a crazy dutch girl named Dieuw and we will be getting married in Vermont when she is in NY for her internship. This is all for convenience, of course.
5. I need to be alone.
6. I need to stop behaving like I am in a relationship when I am not.
7. The reality of my situation is that I will no longer live in the house with Lucas when I return from Vegas.
8. I need to understand that while my friends are beautiful, I must have smoething to offer, as my history makes painfully clear.
9. I do still need to lose weight, but it's for my health, not for my beauty.
10. I got so clingy with Josh because he was the first male that offered affection to me after my break up with Lucas. This blinding light isn't love, it's infatuation. I'm realizing that now, I'm okay with it.

So my public apology to Josh is... well. Sorry, Josh. But at least I have it figured out now.

To the rest of you, thanks for listening.

I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.