mk700c

So lately my journal updates have been rather politcal and/or boring and/or not sexy at all.

This one will be none of those things and all of them and half of them.

Article 1. I'm going to Pennsylvania this weekend to ride bikes, if you see me, slap my ass... I'll know it's you. If you're not hot, and you slap my ass I'll probably pee on you.

Article 2. Remember when I wrote that column on Phish and received over 30 angry emails from hippies? Well, I recently wrote a column that basically called our president and everyone voting for him a complete moron, and that they should all look into helmets. not one hate mail

This vast inconsistency must have been caused by one of three things:

1. Everyone agrees with me and 47 percent of people have just agreed to tell pollsters they're voting Republican for now so that Bush thinks hes still in it and keeps spending like Burt Reynolds in a rug factory. If this is the case, those guys rule and I want to have their babies. I wish there was a Nobel Prize for large-scale practical jokes on world leaders, or at least some sort of 20 percent off coupon at Crate & Barrel.

2. People dont read the paper I write for, they just use it to wrap up kilos of pot. This is the only way I figure a large number of Phish fans read my column but not one Republican; everyone knows cocaine goes better in non-descript, black plastic or stockbrokers.

3. Bush voters cant read.

Perhaps I should release an audio book, in the written word it does appear I'm preaching to the choir.