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mk700c

Oxford

Member Since 2003

Followers 146 Following 166

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Wednesday Apr 07, 2004

Apr 7, 2004
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Immediately upon its mention as a candidate -friends lighting themselves on fire- was added, without deliberation, to the list of things that will always be funny.

We all have one of those friends who, along with accidentally mace-ing themselves, have lit themselves on fire often. This is the story of one such man, er, human torch.

I knew Farmer Mike in the days when the man in the pink canoe, meant simply a dude who had showed up last in line at Mickeys Boat Rental. We lived in the country, surrounded by farm fields and the Michigan Militia. So when things got boring instead of turning to drugs like normal adolescents, there was usually gunpowder involved.

Mike wasnt all there, and due to a Yamaha landing directly on his face some years back, that of him that was there was made of various alloys and fasteners not unlike something out of Wild Wild West although Will Smith would most likely not associate with him. For the purposes of this, just remember that Mike has a fairly prominent speech impediment.

It was probably due to his brothers bogarting of the S-NES that Farmer Mike decided to fill that 20oz Pepsi bottle with gasoline. He carefully put a fuse in through the cap, finally perfecting his lifes work in the bad idea field.

A couple of us accompanied Farmer Mike to a field that had been recently plowed under, and watched from AFAR as he walked out to the center of the field with his little bottle of hilarity.

Mike lit the fuse, and walked about ten feet away.
The fuse slowly burned down.
Those of us back at the truck were mentally prepared for anything, except what actually happened.
As the spark went below the cap, we heard a small poof; the cap popped off and a small blue flame appeared in its place.

Mike stared at the bottle as if to say, why am I not yet on fire?

Mike approached the flame cautiously, as if sneaking up on it would somehow avert the inevitable comedy.

Mike was now standing over the bottle with its inconspicuous blue bait flickering cmon farmer, you yella?

We stood a hundred yards away; we could see the banana peel and the giant, orange, cartoon monkey about to slip on it. There was nothing we could do.

Mike, after cocking his head back and forth a few times like a hen that has forgotten why she started to peck, saw the grain again; Mike kicked the bottle.

What followed can only be described as comedic genius that even the great Abe Vigoda would covet. As the flames engulfed Mikes leg he refused to go down without a laugh. Deciding against the safer, but more boring method of stop, drop, and roll, Mike opted for the always popular, dance around like an idiot and yell.

Mike hopped about, Muh leg Muh Leg MUH LEG IS OWEN FAYA! His movements were as graceful and swift as a swan, a swan that has been doused in gasoline and set aflame.

Back at the truck we could only manage a few steps towards his aide before we were struck down by the sound MUH LEG IS ON FAYA. We fell to the dirt, unable to stand, doubled over with laughter.

The oldest of us managed to stumble to his feet for a moment before Mike flailed again and sent him crashing down, now crawling the best he could under the convulsions of comedy.

Finally, with the help of some Carrot Top flashbacks, we were able to reach Mike and kick enough dirt on him in between fits of laughter to extinguish the fire, and the most hilarious thing Ive seen to this day (including the 2002 State of the Union address).

As it turns out, Mikes tendency towards cheap, synthetic clothing was a blessing that day as they protected him from the wrath of his comedic exploits. His worst injury was that he now had Looney Toonsl edition Reeboks melted to his feet.
-mk
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
ilsa:
Hahaha that's very funny! biggrin biggrin biggrin
I know a better thing than what he did... As dangerous as it but more espectacular. You have to fill a bottle of coke or pepsi with something similar to bleach but it's not bleach, in spanish it's called "aguarrs", it's just more corrossive than bleach... Then you fold the bottle by the high of the aguarrs and in the other part you have to introduce a few balls of that silvery paper you use for food, but taking care that it doesn't mix with the aguarrs. Close the bottle and throw it as far as you can and BOOOOOM!! eeek
Don't try this at home whatever
kiss
Apr 7, 2004
miffy:
come play. bicycles are running me over here.
Apr 7, 2004

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