had a fucked up dream just now. So much so that it woke me and forced me to the computer to write. I dreamt that Dennis, John, and I met up now, but we looked years younger. We decided to go to a strip club. We went to the club and John and I purposely lost Dennis and got in either my dad's old Tahoe or his parents mini-van. He was driving. He said, "Let's go park up by this store, and then I can fuck you." I said, incredulously, "You wanna fuck me?" and he said yeah. I was thrilled and we parked. Then some kid that worked for the store came up to our van and said we couldn't park there. So we left and I said, "Let's go back to the strip club and then go to my house later and if we don't get to fuck tonight," then he interrupted me and said, "then it wasn't meant to be." I said, "no, then we'll make sure we get together some other time."
The fucked up thing is that in my dream I was still with Scott. I was going to accept John as my wild card. I just almost typed mulligan, and then thought it was the wrong word, which it is for what I mean in that sentence, but it's not for John. Mulligan means when a player gets a second chance to perform a move or action. That's exactly what my dream represented.
It's not often that one regrets not fucking someone. Usually is regret for fucking someone. Although I have no regret for fucking anyone that I've fucked, I regret not fucking John. I regret holding back what should have happened. I regret hurting him and leaving him behind. I regret not seeing it for what it could have been. Not necessarily a lifetime thing, but a much better way to spend several years of my life.
I never had my mulligan, because by the time I was willing to take the chance, he was gone. I talked to him then. I apologized for the way I treated him. I told him how much he meant to me. But it was not the right time anymore for either one of us.
I don't know. I love Scott. He is my perfect soulmate and if things had been different, we might not have found each other, but I should have fucked John back when it was right.
The fucked up thing is that in my dream I was still with Scott. I was going to accept John as my wild card. I just almost typed mulligan, and then thought it was the wrong word, which it is for what I mean in that sentence, but it's not for John. Mulligan means when a player gets a second chance to perform a move or action. That's exactly what my dream represented.
It's not often that one regrets not fucking someone. Usually is regret for fucking someone. Although I have no regret for fucking anyone that I've fucked, I regret not fucking John. I regret holding back what should have happened. I regret hurting him and leaving him behind. I regret not seeing it for what it could have been. Not necessarily a lifetime thing, but a much better way to spend several years of my life.
I never had my mulligan, because by the time I was willing to take the chance, he was gone. I talked to him then. I apologized for the way I treated him. I told him how much he meant to me. But it was not the right time anymore for either one of us.
I don't know. I love Scott. He is my perfect soulmate and if things had been different, we might not have found each other, but I should have fucked John back when it was right.
squareroot:
Yeah, that is a fucked-up dream. Actually, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have someone like that in my past too.